She has so many things to do and never enough time to do them, because she can't remember how long each thing takes or how she should handle them. She can't sleep. When she does sleep it's unproductive and frustrating. Work is something she dreads because every moment spent there is another moment of anger, or wasting time. She should be doing something important, dammit. Something better. Not pretending to smile because no one really cares about her problems. She goes through each step of polite niceties because if she doesn't, if she deviates from that set path of 'Hello, how are you?' 'Good, you?' 'Fine. What can I get you?' It might make someone else uncomfortable. The small talk is a necessary thing.
Even though her days are filled with knowing she isn't good enough she pretends, because if she dosen't pretend then they will see it. The ones who snicker and make cow noises as she walks by and the ones who see her as some sort of emotionless animal covered in blubber. They will know that they get to her, and that would be bad. Because if they know that then they will use it, and if they use it they may finally beat her. As long as she hides it from everyone, she is fierce. She is invincible and feral. She will reduce you to tears or speechless looks.
She is every middle-class deadbeat woman who cannot find her place in the world. She is you and mean and anyone else who feels alone because of the hateful snobbery of others. And she is powerful in her own right.
She draws others to her with personality alone. Her smile is quick, her jokes clever. She can go from kindly talking to her best friend to vehemently defending her from another in seconds. She is generous. She loves and feels and laughs. She is delighted by a loving spouse and saddened by the plights of others. She is ambitious, she is stuck. She is confused and hurt but hopeful and healing.
You are beautiful. You are smart and you have talent. Your eyes sparkle with the light of someone who will live and learn and discover new things. You will fall, but you will climb again. Never forget that.
Never.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tamily Fies.
Sometimes I sit and wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have the family I did.
If I was born to two people who valued self esteem, or two people who shared the responsabilty equally. Or if I had a sister instead of a brother. Usually, when I think of these things, I decide that while my current situation isn't ideal in any way, that I do like the parents I have. Sure, and the moment I'd like a paino to fall on my mother, but once I move out I think our relationship will be a lot better. Because if she starts yelling at me over the phone I can just hang up.
And my dad...I love my dad. He's a quiet guy usually and sometimes he acts like my mom, but when he is I usually do excatly as he asks. Why? Because dad never gets disperportinally angry about things. When dad yells or makes a rude comment he is actually and truely upset about something. So I do it. It seems like any occasion is a good occasion for mom to yell, so I rarely take her screaming seriously anymore and therefore, see no reason to do as she asks.
The one person who I truely think I would miss if I had a different family would be my brother. He's 16 which makes him a bit of a shithead, but he's smart about politics and when I come home late and he's the only one up we can talk till two in the morning about his friends, Canada's lack of young politicans, communism and why it could work and all sorts of differnet and varying topics. He's got some sort of learning disability that makes reading and writing a chore for him, but he'd do it if it's something that interested him. I fell like teachers should tailor things more for him, but then I don't know what kind of 'special' treatment my brother gets. I'd rather not know, honestly.
I love my little brother even if I give him a hard time somethines. I guess it's what big sisters do. I've straightened his hair before (It's a curly mess), made him walk up to the corner store to buy me candy and even kicked him in the face once when I was thirteen because he called me stupid. On the other hand, my parents remain unaware of him smoking dope, when I've known for a lonnng time. I've bought him booze with the strict stipulation that he doesn't tell mom and never, ever drives after. I've gotten rid of his annoying friend for him and even told people he was out with mom when he was in the basement playing COD.
And he's a good brother. He told The boyfriend that while he may be eight years his junior he would still kick ass if anything douchey was done. My parents are blissfully unaware that The Boyfriend and I enjoy carnal pleasures, while my brother has known for almost a year. (Poor kid, walking in...*Shudder*). He even covers for us sometimes. He's a good kid.
Maybe me and him could get a mother transplant?
If I was born to two people who valued self esteem, or two people who shared the responsabilty equally. Or if I had a sister instead of a brother. Usually, when I think of these things, I decide that while my current situation isn't ideal in any way, that I do like the parents I have. Sure, and the moment I'd like a paino to fall on my mother, but once I move out I think our relationship will be a lot better. Because if she starts yelling at me over the phone I can just hang up.
And my dad...I love my dad. He's a quiet guy usually and sometimes he acts like my mom, but when he is I usually do excatly as he asks. Why? Because dad never gets disperportinally angry about things. When dad yells or makes a rude comment he is actually and truely upset about something. So I do it. It seems like any occasion is a good occasion for mom to yell, so I rarely take her screaming seriously anymore and therefore, see no reason to do as she asks.
The one person who I truely think I would miss if I had a different family would be my brother. He's 16 which makes him a bit of a shithead, but he's smart about politics and when I come home late and he's the only one up we can talk till two in the morning about his friends, Canada's lack of young politicans, communism and why it could work and all sorts of differnet and varying topics. He's got some sort of learning disability that makes reading and writing a chore for him, but he'd do it if it's something that interested him. I fell like teachers should tailor things more for him, but then I don't know what kind of 'special' treatment my brother gets. I'd rather not know, honestly.
I love my little brother even if I give him a hard time somethines. I guess it's what big sisters do. I've straightened his hair before (It's a curly mess), made him walk up to the corner store to buy me candy and even kicked him in the face once when I was thirteen because he called me stupid. On the other hand, my parents remain unaware of him smoking dope, when I've known for a lonnng time. I've bought him booze with the strict stipulation that he doesn't tell mom and never, ever drives after. I've gotten rid of his annoying friend for him and even told people he was out with mom when he was in the basement playing COD.
And he's a good brother. He told The boyfriend that while he may be eight years his junior he would still kick ass if anything douchey was done. My parents are blissfully unaware that The Boyfriend and I enjoy carnal pleasures, while my brother has known for almost a year. (Poor kid, walking in...*Shudder*). He even covers for us sometimes. He's a good kid.
Maybe me and him could get a mother transplant?
Monday, December 6, 2010
Well Jezze
The Boyfriend told me I should watch this video by Katey Perry, because apparently the song and video are both ridiculous.
I watched it and couldn't help feeling all squishy inside, epically with what has been going on with me lately. It really touched me...So I'm posting it to make those feelings appear in others.
:D
Har
So my huge sob-fest the other day has made me feel a bit better. Even if no one reads this blog, I got it out in the open, wrote it all down and it's had a...cleansing effect, I guess you could say. I feel lighter.
Which is why I'm going to bring up more stickers for smiles!
Laura the wonderful and I sat down and thought up some places for us to try stickers for smiles. She's the only one to agree to help me out on this which is nice, cause I don't want to do it by myself.
Places we've thought of:
The Mall-It is indoors and therefore, warm (CON-potential legal issues?)
Which is why I'm going to bring up more stickers for smiles!
Laura the wonderful and I sat down and thought up some places for us to try stickers for smiles. She's the only one to agree to help me out on this which is nice, cause I don't want to do it by myself.
Places we've thought of:
The Mall-It is indoors and therefore, warm (CON-potential legal issues?)
On Durham college campus- This works cause it’s not like they’re going to kick us off, but Do college kids actually like stickers? Besides me, anyway?
Holy Trinity (Laura's high school)-God knows angst-ridden teens need smiles. (HA! Religion pun!)
Huh. We really didn't come up with a lot of places.
Well in our defense, just randomly outside isn't really an option, seeing as the true Canadian winter has begun in the Greater Toronto Area and, while I want to make the world a better place, handling stickers while wearing mitts is hard.
Thank you Ceemo, that's helpful. :)
Anyway, I think I'm going to kidnap Laura sometime today and try to get her to think of more. Maybe we can work on a logo for Stickers for smiles. :)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Hmmmmph
Fist snowfall of winter was yesterday everyone!
Anyway. I'm pretty tired lately and I think its the stress of exam times and being sick combined. I feel like I could just sleep for hours and hours.
That's all I feel like writing. You see!? Usually I would go on for paragraphs and paragraphs about why and how I feel tired, but instead, I'm going to go read cracked.com for awhile.
Anyway. I'm pretty tired lately and I think its the stress of exam times and being sick combined. I feel like I could just sleep for hours and hours.
That's all I feel like writing. You see!? Usually I would go on for paragraphs and paragraphs about why and how I feel tired, but instead, I'm going to go read cracked.com for awhile.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I have bronchitis. RUN FROM ME IN FEAR.
Bronchitis is inflammation of the mucous membranes of the bronchi, the airways that carry airflow from the trachea into the lungs. Bronchitis can be classified into two categories, acute and chronic, each of which has unique etiologies, pathologies, and therapies.
Acute bronchitis is characterized by the development of a cough, with or without the production of sputum, mucus that is expectorated (coughed up) from the respiratory tract. Acute bronchitis often occurs during the course of an acute viral illness such as the common cold or influenza. Viruses cause about 90% of cases of acute bronchitis while bacteria account for less than 10%.[1]
Chronic bronchitis, a type of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, is characterized by the presence of a productive cough that lasts for 3 months or more per year for at least 2 years. Chronic bronchitis most often develops due to recurrent injury to the airways caused by inhaled irritants. Cigarette smoking is the most common cause, followed by air pollution and occupational exposure to irritants, and cold air.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
My little Irish grandmother.
Whenever my mom had a chemo appointment her mother comes to stay with us for a bit.
This wouldn't be an issue, and usually isn't, except my grandmother is seemingly incapable of using out appliances. Basically, mom brings Nana over to do laundry, cook, clean, and so on. All of these things could be done by me, but mom doesn't seem to think I'll step up to the plate and get things done, so Nana it is.
Nana has a bad habit of leaving to stove burners on and then wandering off to do something else, like...Smoke. Or talk to my mom. She didn't know how to turn them on when she first started coming over and then once she did she would just forget to turn them off. Which is, you know, kinda dangerous. I came downstairs once to find a rag on fire and had to throw it in the sink before it burnt the house down.
She knows how to use the laundry machines now but before I was constantly being called downstairs to open and close them, because she's little! My grandma is a tiny woman and the doors stick sometimes. She's found a trick to it or something at this point because I haven't been called down for awhile.
The dogs love her though. Every time she comes in the house they're barking and their entire rear end wiggles because they're so happy to see her. And she gives them treats. They're gonna weight twenty pounds by the time she leaves, and Terra is already fat.
Hee, I love my grandma. She's nice to have around even if I don't understand her sometimes. She's got a thick accent and I'm pretty sure she's had at least one stroke, so when she talks it's sometimes hard to make out the words. When she has had a few to drink (She is Irish) it's almost impossible for me to hold a conversation with her, it's more me laughing nervously so I don't hurt her feelings. A couple of drinks is enough to make her tipsy, she probably weighs ninety pounds.
Ahhh, grandma. I love you :P
This wouldn't be an issue, and usually isn't, except my grandmother is seemingly incapable of using out appliances. Basically, mom brings Nana over to do laundry, cook, clean, and so on. All of these things could be done by me, but mom doesn't seem to think I'll step up to the plate and get things done, so Nana it is.
Nana has a bad habit of leaving to stove burners on and then wandering off to do something else, like...Smoke. Or talk to my mom. She didn't know how to turn them on when she first started coming over and then once she did she would just forget to turn them off. Which is, you know, kinda dangerous. I came downstairs once to find a rag on fire and had to throw it in the sink before it burnt the house down.
She knows how to use the laundry machines now but before I was constantly being called downstairs to open and close them, because she's little! My grandma is a tiny woman and the doors stick sometimes. She's found a trick to it or something at this point because I haven't been called down for awhile.
The dogs love her though. Every time she comes in the house they're barking and their entire rear end wiggles because they're so happy to see her. And she gives them treats. They're gonna weight twenty pounds by the time she leaves, and Terra is already fat.
Hee, I love my grandma. She's nice to have around even if I don't understand her sometimes. She's got a thick accent and I'm pretty sure she's had at least one stroke, so when she talks it's sometimes hard to make out the words. When she has had a few to drink (She is Irish) it's almost impossible for me to hold a conversation with her, it's more me laughing nervously so I don't hurt her feelings. A couple of drinks is enough to make her tipsy, she probably weighs ninety pounds.
Ahhh, grandma. I love you :P
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
I almost -died- you guys.
I learnt at an early age that bicycles and cars rarely mix well.
When I was young, about twelve or so, one of my favorite things to do was tear about my scenic neighborhood on my bike. It was a bright pink that offended the eyes it was so vibrant, with multi-colored (And by multi-colored I mean various shades of pink) streamers coming from the handlebars and a dark red basket. I didn’t care that most people were blinded by the sheer amount of pink on my bike because it was mine, and my love for it knew no bounds.
At the end of my street where I often terrorized people with the aforementioned pink bike was a hill that sloped upwards at an angle I have only seen since then in math problems.
It was a monster hill, where buzzards circled it’s peak and getting to the top was a breathless hike. Even teenagers walked their bikes up this hill, and that was enough to make any twelve-year-old wary.
The day of my incident was a sunny and perfect day with a clear blue sky. The sun warmed the roads and my brother and I spent a time playing with some softened tar before an idea struck me. This was the day I would tackle the monster hill on my rudely pink bicycle. I swung one leg over the pale pink seat and announced my intentions to my smaller and therefore wimpier brother.
“I’m going to ride up the hill!” I said, my jaw squared and my nose in the air.
“I don’t want you to die!” Evan cried, latching his sticky hands to my leg before I shook him off and headed towards my new goal. My little heart fluttered in anticipation of the respect I would earn from the other kids on my street. I began to slowly pedal towards the highest point in my tiny life, and the victory to come.
I caught sight of a car with dents in the side and a horrible green-blue paintjob. Two people were sitting in the car and one person was easing into the drivers seat. He was young, and it looked like his parents may have been taking him on his first ride. I was unconcerned by these things, grimly focused on the task ahead of me. I pedaled faster so I could slide behind the car before it pulled into the street, not wanting to stop and ruin my momentum.
I reached the halfway point before tragedy struck and my front tire slid into the largest crack my naive mind had ever witnessed. I screamed as the bike jerked to the left and toppled over, trapping me underneath the steel deathtrap that had moments ago been my beloved bike. I screamed louder as the car began to back towards me.
I couldn’t believe I was about to be squished by an aqua-colored clunker.
I desperately tried to wiggle free but paused when the car lurched to a stop. The driver seemed to launch himself from behind the wheel and towards me. His face was bloodless and his eyes seemed too big for his face. I began to cry.
He helped me up, stuttering apologies and continually asking if I was alright. When it was established that none of my bones were broken and my limbs were in fact not squished I began the slow process of walking back home, sniffling the entire time.
My brother teased me for days and the next time I went up that hill, I walked my bike to the top.
*Is Miserable*
I'm sick. It's the unpleasant truth. It's mostly in my throat and head but my stomach has been upset with the world for a few days too. I don't know if it's related to my throat problems or not but I'm willing to wager it is.
The only reason I'm choking down a couple of Advil and sucking on a hall is because I'm pretty sure today is the in-class writing assignment in my design writing class, and the professor said the only way you can miss it is if your doctor writes a note saying you weren't allowed to drag your IV into the class. Keeping that in mind, sick me is going to go in. I won't be happy about it, but I'll go.
Whenever I'm sick I always get that strange sensation that everyone and everything around me exist in a light fog. Like my mom, standing taking the nail polish off her fingernails. There's a strange quality of unreality to her movements.
I'm never sure if this is a high from medicine or my brain seeing things oddly while sick, but it's not a pleasant experience. It's like I'm the only normal one and everyone else is a little off. A little slower then they're supposed to be and a little blurry, like when i have one contact in and one out.
Of course I know it's me who is a little off. But it feels like it's the rest of the world and maybe that's okay when you're sick.
The only reason I'm choking down a couple of Advil and sucking on a hall is because I'm pretty sure today is the in-class writing assignment in my design writing class, and the professor said the only way you can miss it is if your doctor writes a note saying you weren't allowed to drag your IV into the class. Keeping that in mind, sick me is going to go in. I won't be happy about it, but I'll go.
Whenever I'm sick I always get that strange sensation that everyone and everything around me exist in a light fog. Like my mom, standing taking the nail polish off her fingernails. There's a strange quality of unreality to her movements.
I'm never sure if this is a high from medicine or my brain seeing things oddly while sick, but it's not a pleasant experience. It's like I'm the only normal one and everyone else is a little off. A little slower then they're supposed to be and a little blurry, like when i have one contact in and one out.
Of course I know it's me who is a little off. But it feels like it's the rest of the world and maybe that's okay when you're sick.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Jezze
Aye aye aye.
So much drama today. Amber's boyfriend is still a dork, I argued with The Boyfriend yesterday because I like to be needy once and awhile but it wasn't happening, because appearntly I don't compete with homework, and Now K's girlfriend has broken up with her and stupid me is on the other side of the country.
Jezze. Relationships fail once and awhile, you know? The Boyfriend's got school tonight and work before that, and I don't want to text him first because honestly, I'm still upset. He did homework for three hours straight and barely talked to me, and when I tried to get attention for the last half an hour before I had to go to bed he shrugged me off. So I went to bed.
I'm not kidding. I got changed, set my alarm, got into bed and shut off the light. Because if he can shrug me off then goddamnit, I can shrug him off. My dramatic 'Fuck you buddy' was marred when my mom made me get up to walk him to the door, but I think the message was pretty clear.
K's girlfriend has been pretty much the only wedge between her and I in the course of our friendship. I've always had a bit of a problem with her, but factors piled upon one another until I went from having a problem to really not liking her. But Because I love K I only brought it up once and awhile, not every time the girlfriend of K did something I disapproved of. Which was fairly often.
K lives in Alberta, far away from where the girlfriend of K lives, which is Indiana. I think? I can't remember, because I only really remember things I like. She lives far, is what I'm getting at.
Then they decided to have an 'Open' long distance relationship. So you know, they can date other people while dating one another. This always boggeled my mind, because I am a spiteful, jealous person and If I ever had an inkling that The Boyfriend was interested in someone else, she and all her friends would be stabbed. HE IS MY THE BOYFRIEND, THANKS.
So I guess yesterday the wonderful and soul-consuming K told the girlfriend of K that no, she's not okay with an open relationship, and was basically told by the now ex-girlfriend of K that she wasn't enough. I'm very pissed off on K's behalf. I am on the verge of calling her. But you know, she works and shit. So Instead I've thrown myself into homework. And it's coming along quite well, actually.
So much drama today. Amber's boyfriend is still a dork, I argued with The Boyfriend yesterday because I like to be needy once and awhile but it wasn't happening, because appearntly I don't compete with homework, and Now K's girlfriend has broken up with her and stupid me is on the other side of the country.
Jezze. Relationships fail once and awhile, you know? The Boyfriend's got school tonight and work before that, and I don't want to text him first because honestly, I'm still upset. He did homework for three hours straight and barely talked to me, and when I tried to get attention for the last half an hour before I had to go to bed he shrugged me off. So I went to bed.
I'm not kidding. I got changed, set my alarm, got into bed and shut off the light. Because if he can shrug me off then goddamnit, I can shrug him off. My dramatic 'Fuck you buddy' was marred when my mom made me get up to walk him to the door, but I think the message was pretty clear.
K's girlfriend has been pretty much the only wedge between her and I in the course of our friendship. I've always had a bit of a problem with her, but factors piled upon one another until I went from having a problem to really not liking her. But Because I love K I only brought it up once and awhile, not every time the girlfriend of K did something I disapproved of. Which was fairly often.
K lives in Alberta, far away from where the girlfriend of K lives, which is Indiana. I think? I can't remember, because I only really remember things I like. She lives far, is what I'm getting at.
Then they decided to have an 'Open' long distance relationship. So you know, they can date other people while dating one another. This always boggeled my mind, because I am a spiteful, jealous person and If I ever had an inkling that The Boyfriend was interested in someone else, she and all her friends would be stabbed. HE IS MY THE BOYFRIEND, THANKS.
So I guess yesterday the wonderful and soul-consuming K told the girlfriend of K that no, she's not okay with an open relationship, and was basically told by the now ex-girlfriend of K that she wasn't enough. I'm very pissed off on K's behalf. I am on the verge of calling her. But you know, she works and shit. So Instead I've thrown myself into homework. And it's coming along quite well, actually.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The early bird doesn't always get the worm. Somtimes it ends up late.
I woke up early this morning to print off the first major writing assignment for design writing. It's basically a course teaching you how to write concept statements about your work, and the best way to explain to a client what you were trying to accomplish. Class starts at nine so I got to the school twenty minutes early to be sure printing it off wouldn't be a problem.
It was. The first time I tried it printed, but half of my picture was cut off. I took a picture for you.
It's not readable, but you can clearly see only half of a picture. Not even half.
So I went to the IT guy who did the same thing and once again, half the picture shows but not the rest. I'm irritated. So I gave the paper I had to my professor and she seemed fine with it, which makes me happy. She just told me to send the full thing to her online so she can mark it properly.
But I spent almost an hour trying to print it and getting the IT guy's help. So do the math. I got there twenty minutes early but showed to class forty minutes late. Go me.
It's really overcast and rainy this morning, but i like it. Besides the fact that my right foot is soaking wet because there's a hole in the sole of my runner, I like rain. I don't like getting wet from rain, but rain itself if beautiful and always makes me smile.
But the rain got me thinking about how unhappy a lot of people are on overcast days, and that got me to thinking about the free hugs campaign. I thought about how something so simple and easy could brighten someone day and how I wanted to be a part of that.
Not hugs though. I feel like that could get me in some serious trouble with my parents. No, I want to do something that might not be huge to most people but will give them a glimmer of happy thoughts. And I want to be able to do it with someone, a few friends maybe.
I was sitting at the bus, watching cars whiz past when I came up with an idea. And all because of these.
They're rainbow stickers. Of smiley faces.
The Boyfriend bought them for me way back and I haven't used them all because even just seeing them makes me smile. So then I thought 'You know what would be cool? Stickers for smiles.'
So now I keep thinking of doing something where me and a few other people spend some money and buy some stickers. Then we go somewhere crowded and just hand them out to people with the condition that they smile.
I think it would be a great way to maybe meet some people, and maybe make someone's day. And I think I might try to do it. I doubt The Boyfriend would want to but... I really do.
Also, the CMO mascot is Ceemo. K chose it. :)
It was. The first time I tried it printed, but half of my picture was cut off. I took a picture for you.
It's not readable, but you can clearly see only half of a picture. Not even half.
So I went to the IT guy who did the same thing and once again, half the picture shows but not the rest. I'm irritated. So I gave the paper I had to my professor and she seemed fine with it, which makes me happy. She just told me to send the full thing to her online so she can mark it properly.
But I spent almost an hour trying to print it and getting the IT guy's help. So do the math. I got there twenty minutes early but showed to class forty minutes late. Go me.
It's really overcast and rainy this morning, but i like it. Besides the fact that my right foot is soaking wet because there's a hole in the sole of my runner, I like rain. I don't like getting wet from rain, but rain itself if beautiful and always makes me smile.
But the rain got me thinking about how unhappy a lot of people are on overcast days, and that got me to thinking about the free hugs campaign. I thought about how something so simple and easy could brighten someone day and how I wanted to be a part of that.
Not hugs though. I feel like that could get me in some serious trouble with my parents. No, I want to do something that might not be huge to most people but will give them a glimmer of happy thoughts. And I want to be able to do it with someone, a few friends maybe.
I was sitting at the bus, watching cars whiz past when I came up with an idea. And all because of these.
They're rainbow stickers. Of smiley faces.The Boyfriend bought them for me way back and I haven't used them all because even just seeing them makes me smile. So then I thought 'You know what would be cool? Stickers for smiles.'
So now I keep thinking of doing something where me and a few other people spend some money and buy some stickers. Then we go somewhere crowded and just hand them out to people with the condition that they smile.
I think it would be a great way to maybe meet some people, and maybe make someone's day. And I think I might try to do it. I doubt The Boyfriend would want to but... I really do.
Also, the CMO mascot is Ceemo. K chose it. :)
Monday, November 15, 2010
Wow, lots of posting.
I'm very glad to be me.
I'm not the smartest but I'm not stupid either. I have a great family for the most part, even though things aren't going so well with us I cans till sit back and look at the parents I have and the brother that annoys me and think I did pretty well. We have money. We're not rich but we're comfortable and that's all that really matters to me.
If I do well in this course I will come out of it with a good job. I want that in life. I want to be comfortable enough to buy the things I need and maybe go on vacation.
I have a good man in my life, but my life doesn't center around him. He's important and I love him, I see us together for a long time, but I have other things that I enjoy and other people who I care about. I don't see my boyfriend as the only person in my universe, just one of the most important.
I have a great friend who I love and would do anything for, and were she nearer we would be inseparable. She is one of those people who I know would have my back at any cost, and I tell her more things then possibly even Karl. I love her to bits.
I have a lot to be thankful for, I think.
I'm not the smartest but I'm not stupid either. I have a great family for the most part, even though things aren't going so well with us I cans till sit back and look at the parents I have and the brother that annoys me and think I did pretty well. We have money. We're not rich but we're comfortable and that's all that really matters to me.
If I do well in this course I will come out of it with a good job. I want that in life. I want to be comfortable enough to buy the things I need and maybe go on vacation.
I have a good man in my life, but my life doesn't center around him. He's important and I love him, I see us together for a long time, but I have other things that I enjoy and other people who I care about. I don't see my boyfriend as the only person in my universe, just one of the most important.
I have a great friend who I love and would do anything for, and were she nearer we would be inseparable. She is one of those people who I know would have my back at any cost, and I tell her more things then possibly even Karl. I love her to bits.
I have a lot to be thankful for, I think.
New friendship rules.
I've made a handy guide on how to create more lasting friendships
1-Have good hygiene.
Be clean, friends. People don't like it if you smell.
2-Engage in conversation.
Having a good back-and-forth report with someone gives you chances to express yourself, and is a perfect way to slowly learn about one another. Talking constantly and interrupting the middle of stories to tell someone a different story that has nothing to do with the original story is not, and should be avoided.
3-Be friendly!
Calling people a chicken or pussy in what is meant to be a joking way, even though it really doesn't sound like a joke is a bad way to encourage people to talk with you. Compliments, favors, and inside jokes are the way to go.
4-Don't ask for too much too soon!
Putting faith in someone when they offer to do you a favor is a good way to build trust. However when asking for a favor, one shouldn't overstep the bounds of a friendship. If you don't know someone very well but want to, leaving small children with them or asking them to get things for you when it doesn't truly benefit them in any way is rude.
5-Avoid bragging.
There are three kinds of people that no one likes. A kiss-ass, a poser, and someone who thinks they're awesome in every way.
Every person is unique, and wearing certain clothes or listening to underground music doesn't make you any more or less different then the person sitting next to you. There is a fine line between bragging and being proud of something you've done, and when talking to potential new friends you need to be sure to keep yourself aware of that line.
6-Compliments!
Compliments must be genuine and spontaneous. Giving someone a compliment could be the highlight of their day, and getting one at random is even more exciting! Be sure to compliment them not not demean anyone when making friends.
1-Have good hygiene.
Be clean, friends. People don't like it if you smell.
2-Engage in conversation.
Having a good back-and-forth report with someone gives you chances to express yourself, and is a perfect way to slowly learn about one another. Talking constantly and interrupting the middle of stories to tell someone a different story that has nothing to do with the original story is not, and should be avoided.
3-Be friendly!
Calling people a chicken or pussy in what is meant to be a joking way, even though it really doesn't sound like a joke is a bad way to encourage people to talk with you. Compliments, favors, and inside jokes are the way to go.
4-Don't ask for too much too soon!
Putting faith in someone when they offer to do you a favor is a good way to build trust. However when asking for a favor, one shouldn't overstep the bounds of a friendship. If you don't know someone very well but want to, leaving small children with them or asking them to get things for you when it doesn't truly benefit them in any way is rude.
5-Avoid bragging.
There are three kinds of people that no one likes. A kiss-ass, a poser, and someone who thinks they're awesome in every way.
Every person is unique, and wearing certain clothes or listening to underground music doesn't make you any more or less different then the person sitting next to you. There is a fine line between bragging and being proud of something you've done, and when talking to potential new friends you need to be sure to keep yourself aware of that line.
6-Compliments!
Compliments must be genuine and spontaneous. Giving someone a compliment could be the highlight of their day, and getting one at random is even more exciting! Be sure to compliment them not not demean anyone when making friends.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
*Sigh*
I sprained my ankle again, and it hurts like a mother. I've got bad ankles that make me walk like a duck because the ligaments are too short, so I have a bad habit of rolling them and spraining them. Today when I was at work my left foot seemed to magically find the only grape on the floor in the produce section, and I went down hard.
I was lying there for about a minute before some guy came over and helped me up. I honestly thought I had finally broken it like the defective little twig it is, but nay. My ankle has held strong. It's painful and I've been limping and crying for six hours because of it. The Boyfriend wants to bring me to the doctor but I don't see a point if it's not broken.
My computer ate one of my assignments yesterday, and doing it over again is so hard because my brains like "What? No, you finished this already silly. Go read cracked.com and have some fun!". I doubt I'm going to get it done and i may have to take a zero, because honestly I am going to kill myself if i have to do this over again. 14 hours I spent on the damn thing, then poof, gone.
I need a nap.
I was lying there for about a minute before some guy came over and helped me up. I honestly thought I had finally broken it like the defective little twig it is, but nay. My ankle has held strong. It's painful and I've been limping and crying for six hours because of it. The Boyfriend wants to bring me to the doctor but I don't see a point if it's not broken.
My computer ate one of my assignments yesterday, and doing it over again is so hard because my brains like "What? No, you finished this already silly. Go read cracked.com and have some fun!". I doubt I'm going to get it done and i may have to take a zero, because honestly I am going to kill myself if i have to do this over again. 14 hours I spent on the damn thing, then poof, gone.
I need a nap.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
WWQ---Commitment post
I can't give any details, but I'm starting a WWQ with Katie on Monday, and I think I'm going to do the updates every two days.
Part of the WWQ is we can't discuss it with others---So here is the format for the posts.
Day-(Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday Saturday and Sunday)
Did you cheat?
K-Yes/No
Tamara-Yes/No
Which rule did you break?
K-(Number of rule broken if applicable)
Tamara-(Number of rule broken if applicable)
Punishment
K-(Punishment given if applicable)
Tamara-(Punishment given if applicable)
Side notes
This will include rules that may be adjusted, previous punishments and the reactions to them, and anything else that will make us laugh and encourage us.
Numbers, anyone?
K-(Number)
Tamara-(Number)
Part of the WWQ is we can't discuss it with others---So here is the format for the posts.
Day-(Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday Saturday and Sunday)
Did you cheat?
K-Yes/No
Tamara-Yes/No
Which rule did you break?
K-(Number of rule broken if applicable)
Tamara-(Number of rule broken if applicable)
Punishment
K-(Punishment given if applicable)
Tamara-(Punishment given if applicable)
Side notes
This will include rules that may be adjusted, previous punishments and the reactions to them, and anything else that will make us laugh and encourage us.
Numbers, anyone?
K-(Number)
Tamara-(Number)
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Why chocolate is better then..
Sex.
See, chocolate is amazing. Chocolate is better then almost everything. And right now, I think chocolate is better then sex. Why, you ask?
You can have chocolate basically whenever you want.
Think about your favorite kind of chocolate. Just picture it in your head. I'm waiting, don't worry. Is it the lush and velvety but refreshingly classic Jersey milk chocolate? Is it the bouncy and addicting Areo bar? Does the sweet burst of caramel make you crave a single square from the Caramilk bar of your dreams?
No think of the closest 24-hour connivance store. Think of the things you can buy there. Is your favorite chocolate bar there? I bet it is. I bet it's sitting on the rack under the counter with the (for some reason) incredibly alert ethnic person behind it. I bet it's calling your name right now.
I also bet you can get in your car, right this very second, and drive there. And buy one. And eat it.
Not so with sex, depending on who you are. If you're single and not overly promiscuous you're pretty much stuck by yourself (though that's not always bad). If you are a bit of a slut, call up your favorite booty call at four in the morning on a Tuesday night, see how receptive they are.
If you're in a committed long term relationship I hope it's not long distance, because calling someone long-distance for phone sex is expensive, and plane tickets are even worse. If they are close you're going to have to make sure no one's parents or siblings are home (And believe me, someone is always home). If you're at the age where you don't live with the parental units then great! But do you have roommates? Or thin walls?
If you live together and have no kids then congrats, you are the couple most likely to have sex. Just not too late cause you have work in the morning.
You can easily control your enjoyment of chocolate.
Now I'm assuming you have your chocolate. If not, go get some. Or just use your fantastic imagination.
Look at it. In it's clean, crisp wrapper. It's calling to you. You're going to open it. Are you going to tare the wrapper in two while your muscles bulge and you scream in triumph? Are you going to slowly and lovingly remove that wrapper and savor the wonderful smell of it?
Take your first bite, and savory each second that it slowly melts on your tongue. Enjoy it as long as you can. Every wonderful, melted second is a second of joy.
Now for this second bite I want you to eat pretty much half of the entire bar. Just rip into it and consume it. Make that chocolate bar your bitch.
Now look at your lover and try to make him your bitch. Maybe not now, because it's one in the morning and he's probably sleeping. Do some kinky S&M stuff. I suggest blindfolding him and gagging him before he wakes up. What? He didn't like it? He's not in 'The mood'. Well what does he want?
Oh, he wants tender and gentle. Well... But you're not in the mood for that, are you?
But you do want sex. So you're gonna go along with him? Okay. I mean, it's not what you want, but I guess...
But even if you do want gentle loving 'connections' it's not guaranteed, is it? If he's playing a video game giving him a back rub or nuzzling him might be mistaken as just affection. Rubbing fun places is more brazen, but sometimes not enough to *stimulate*. You could just ask, but...That ruins a bit of it, doesn't it? Not a lot, mind you, but you want something like the (romance) novel you just read. Telling someone what to do wasn't in this particular book. Alan, the rich, handsome, cold widower and his sudden flaming desire for his chef Michelle was, and dammit you want to re-enact the scene when he does nasty things on the table while professing his undying love.
Which reminds me..
You can't have sex anywhere.
Say you bought two bars of chocolate for today because dammit, you felt like indulging. You can stick that bar in your purse or satchel (I don't judge, man) and bring it to work with you. You can chow down on the train and just enjoy that little bar of happy for awhile. Board meetings, school, at home or on a plane, you can eat it practically anywhere.
Can you have sex at a pleasant meeting with the in-laws? Can sex truly be enjoyed in the middle of class? Not unless you live in WWW.NAUGHTYAMERICA.COM
Sure, sex has human connection. And chocolate has calories and things that make you fat. But honestly? Chocolate is sometimes much better, and much easier.
*Loves Caramilk like WOAH*
See, chocolate is amazing. Chocolate is better then almost everything. And right now, I think chocolate is better then sex. Why, you ask?
You can have chocolate basically whenever you want.
Think about your favorite kind of chocolate. Just picture it in your head. I'm waiting, don't worry. Is it the lush and velvety but refreshingly classic Jersey milk chocolate? Is it the bouncy and addicting Areo bar? Does the sweet burst of caramel make you crave a single square from the Caramilk bar of your dreams?
No think of the closest 24-hour connivance store. Think of the things you can buy there. Is your favorite chocolate bar there? I bet it is. I bet it's sitting on the rack under the counter with the (for some reason) incredibly alert ethnic person behind it. I bet it's calling your name right now.
I also bet you can get in your car, right this very second, and drive there. And buy one. And eat it.
Not so with sex, depending on who you are. If you're single and not overly promiscuous you're pretty much stuck by yourself (though that's not always bad). If you are a bit of a slut, call up your favorite booty call at four in the morning on a Tuesday night, see how receptive they are.
If you're in a committed long term relationship I hope it's not long distance, because calling someone long-distance for phone sex is expensive, and plane tickets are even worse. If they are close you're going to have to make sure no one's parents or siblings are home (And believe me, someone is always home). If you're at the age where you don't live with the parental units then great! But do you have roommates? Or thin walls?
If you live together and have no kids then congrats, you are the couple most likely to have sex. Just not too late cause you have work in the morning.
You can easily control your enjoyment of chocolate.
Now I'm assuming you have your chocolate. If not, go get some. Or just use your fantastic imagination.
Look at it. In it's clean, crisp wrapper. It's calling to you. You're going to open it. Are you going to tare the wrapper in two while your muscles bulge and you scream in triumph? Are you going to slowly and lovingly remove that wrapper and savor the wonderful smell of it?
Take your first bite, and savory each second that it slowly melts on your tongue. Enjoy it as long as you can. Every wonderful, melted second is a second of joy.
Now for this second bite I want you to eat pretty much half of the entire bar. Just rip into it and consume it. Make that chocolate bar your bitch.
Now look at your lover and try to make him your bitch. Maybe not now, because it's one in the morning and he's probably sleeping. Do some kinky S&M stuff. I suggest blindfolding him and gagging him before he wakes up. What? He didn't like it? He's not in 'The mood'. Well what does he want?
Oh, he wants tender and gentle. Well... But you're not in the mood for that, are you?
But you do want sex. So you're gonna go along with him? Okay. I mean, it's not what you want, but I guess...
But even if you do want gentle loving 'connections' it's not guaranteed, is it? If he's playing a video game giving him a back rub or nuzzling him might be mistaken as just affection. Rubbing fun places is more brazen, but sometimes not enough to *stimulate*. You could just ask, but...That ruins a bit of it, doesn't it? Not a lot, mind you, but you want something like the (romance) novel you just read. Telling someone what to do wasn't in this particular book. Alan, the rich, handsome, cold widower and his sudden flaming desire for his chef Michelle was, and dammit you want to re-enact the scene when he does nasty things on the table while professing his undying love.
Which reminds me..
You can't have sex anywhere.
Say you bought two bars of chocolate for today because dammit, you felt like indulging. You can stick that bar in your purse or satchel (I don't judge, man) and bring it to work with you. You can chow down on the train and just enjoy that little bar of happy for awhile. Board meetings, school, at home or on a plane, you can eat it practically anywhere.
Can you have sex at a pleasant meeting with the in-laws? Can sex truly be enjoyed in the middle of class? Not unless you live in WWW.NAUGHTYAMERICA.COM
Sure, sex has human connection. And chocolate has calories and things that make you fat. But honestly? Chocolate is sometimes much better, and much easier.
*Loves Caramilk like WOAH*
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Well.
My birthday started out win.
Now it's epic fail. And I can't sleep.
I just wish all the drama would happen on someone else's birthday, and not mine.
When I tuned 18, one of the girls I invited brought my ex-best friend. She got a phone call from her boyfriend saying he was coming to get her right now, and my ex best friend made the logical assumption that her mom was dead. She burst into tears right there in the restaurant, and I had no idea what to do.
Then, for yesterdays birthday, one of the girls I invited is Laur-rah-rah's ex girlfriend, who is dating one of my best friends, and Laur-rah-rah dosen't like it. Nor do I, because Said best friend is 21 and the girl he's dating is 17.
Now I find out he loves her, and since I'm not cool with the two of them i know I'm not going to be seeing him much anymore.
So I blocked him and de-friended him and whatnot, to avoid him having to choose and me feeling like crap when he doesn't choose me. Because i wouldn't expect him to choose me over the girl he loves.
Even if the girl is 17 and therefore illegal, has been dating him for a month, lives on the other side of the province and hasn't actually seen him in the time they've been dating.
Now I can't sleep cause I'm so upset. I thought maybe blogging would help but.... Maybe not. What I really need is to talk to someone about it, but The Boyfriend and the beauteous and busty K are sleeping and....I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm just destined to not have friends.
This may not have helped. But I feel a little better and maybe I'll actually get some sleep before i wake up at seven tomorrow.
Honestly, why can't shit like this happen on...not my birthday.
I'll explain more later. Right now, I need to try to sleep.
Now it's epic fail. And I can't sleep.
I just wish all the drama would happen on someone else's birthday, and not mine.
When I tuned 18, one of the girls I invited brought my ex-best friend. She got a phone call from her boyfriend saying he was coming to get her right now, and my ex best friend made the logical assumption that her mom was dead. She burst into tears right there in the restaurant, and I had no idea what to do.
Then, for yesterdays birthday, one of the girls I invited is Laur-rah-rah's ex girlfriend, who is dating one of my best friends, and Laur-rah-rah dosen't like it. Nor do I, because Said best friend is 21 and the girl he's dating is 17.
Now I find out he loves her, and since I'm not cool with the two of them i know I'm not going to be seeing him much anymore.
So I blocked him and de-friended him and whatnot, to avoid him having to choose and me feeling like crap when he doesn't choose me. Because i wouldn't expect him to choose me over the girl he loves.
Even if the girl is 17 and therefore illegal, has been dating him for a month, lives on the other side of the province and hasn't actually seen him in the time they've been dating.
Now I can't sleep cause I'm so upset. I thought maybe blogging would help but.... Maybe not. What I really need is to talk to someone about it, but The Boyfriend and the beauteous and busty K are sleeping and....I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm just destined to not have friends.
This may not have helped. But I feel a little better and maybe I'll actually get some sleep before i wake up at seven tomorrow.
Honestly, why can't shit like this happen on...not my birthday.
I'll explain more later. Right now, I need to try to sleep.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
ALERT! ALERT! SITUATION CRITICAL!
*Flails*
Eekkkkk.
Badbadbadbad VERY BAD.
So, Uh... Okay. I was online today, minding my own business and reading some blog posts, when I got an email from Facebook. I'm never really on Facebook, but I get lots of emails from people poking and prodding me and whatnot, so I fuigred what the hell, and clicked on it. I see this:
DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?! DO YOU?!Of course you don't, I haven't told you and I made the name all blurry.
IT'S THE BOYFRIEND'S GRANDMOTHER, YOU GUYS!
*Panic*
She is one of the nicest old ladies ever, right? Like, adorable and sweet and all that great crap, which is why I do not want her reading my Facebook! Because on the one hand, if I post something like... I dunno...
Me: Tamara-Wow gys i aM SoooOooo wated righ now!
I don't want it to tun into this.
Me: Tamara-Wow gys i aM SoooOooo wated righ now!
The Boyfriend's grandma: Bestgranever1: Interesting, what you choose to do on a Tuesday morning.*
I'm pretty sure I would not only die of shame, but I'd end up being dumped by The Boyfriend. And I don't want that to happen!
On the other hand, if I quietly ignore her as the site suggests she's going to KNOW. And then she'll be suspicious that I'm saying things that she wouldn't want to know and that's why I'm not adding her. This is exactly correct but I don't want her to know but ultimately, she'll know either way.... I'm rambling. It's because of the panic.
The way I see it there are two was this can go down.
1) I can add her and let her see exactly how horrible I am (God knows his mom already does, I was bullied into adding her), and hope that she either won't pay much attention or won't be able to see cause she left her glasses somewhere. This way, I risk her becoming overprotective and therefore, perhaps have tension with The Boyfriend's Family rise.
2) I can ignore her, wich will have one of two consequences.
2a) She will forget about it and move on.
2b) She'll start imagining the horrible things I might be doing that I don't want her to know about, picturing me torturing kittens, binge drinking and pushing her grandson down flights of stairs while telling him it's his fault. None of these things happen, but she is a grandma, it's their job to freak out over little stuff.
None of these options appeal to me. I don't know what to do, and the beautiful and all-knowing K is at some sort of shindig in which she will not answer my textually rendered pleas for help. The Boyfriend..Well he went to a wedding with the bio-dad, and was supposedly home an hour ago, but he's not answering texts either and it's worrysome for me. I'm hoping he just forgot his phone.
*Sigh* BAH.
*(NOTE: I don't do this. This is an exaggeration of what may occur. The last time I got drunk was my 19th birthday, and if you need to know how long ago that was I turn twenty on the second of November. That's right bitches.)
Monday, October 25, 2010
If I owned the internet..
For one thing, text would be in a different color when you were being sarcastic. Some of the biggest fights I've had with my friends that start online were meant to be sarcastic, but were taken as serious insults. And then even when I said something like 'No, I didn't mean it, it was a joke.' They'd still be mad cause it was either a Freudian slip or I was trying to make them think I didn't mean it.
On the other hand, there would be some sort of way to highlight when you were being completely serious, so people wouldn't laugh off whatever you were saying. Example:
Me: I'm really depressed. My dog has tongue cancer.
Random Person: O, lol T, U r so funy!
Me: -_-'
See? That's not meant to be funny.
Another thing I would do is get rid of chatroulette. Cause you know what? Ew.
There would also be some sort of.... I don't know, internet safety option that would FORCE people to use WORDS and not just the numerical or alphabetical equivlent. No more of this '2' for 'to' or 'U' as 'You' bullshit. The only time I consider that acceptable is when you're texting me, and even then I cringe. When you have a full keyboard in front of you there is no reason to use stupid letter shortcuts.
Overly negative things, like crime scene photos and stuff, would have some sort of password on them or something. I don't think looking at those is healthy for anyone, and with all the emo kids around like...Imagining themselves being the dead person...That shit's really not good for them. (On a related note, I dare you to type in 'Degloving' into Google images. My paramedic friend said it's the grossest thing he's ever seen. He's a paramedic, guys.)
(Didya look yet? Gross, right?)
World of Warcraft would be free. Because paying for it every two months sucks.
I asked Laura what she would do if she owned the internet, her answer?
'I'd use the internet to make my own religion.'
Ah Laura. I love you.
On the other hand, there would be some sort of way to highlight when you were being completely serious, so people wouldn't laugh off whatever you were saying. Example:
Me: I'm really depressed. My dog has tongue cancer.
Random Person: O, lol T, U r so funy!
Me: -_-'
See? That's not meant to be funny.
Another thing I would do is get rid of chatroulette. Cause you know what? Ew.
There would also be some sort of.... I don't know, internet safety option that would FORCE people to use WORDS and not just the numerical or alphabetical equivlent. No more of this '2' for 'to' or 'U' as 'You' bullshit. The only time I consider that acceptable is when you're texting me, and even then I cringe. When you have a full keyboard in front of you there is no reason to use stupid letter shortcuts.
Overly negative things, like crime scene photos and stuff, would have some sort of password on them or something. I don't think looking at those is healthy for anyone, and with all the emo kids around like...Imagining themselves being the dead person...That shit's really not good for them. (On a related note, I dare you to type in 'Degloving' into Google images. My paramedic friend said it's the grossest thing he's ever seen. He's a paramedic, guys.)
(Didya look yet? Gross, right?)
World of Warcraft would be free. Because paying for it every two months sucks.
I asked Laura what she would do if she owned the internet, her answer?
'I'd use the internet to make my own religion.'
Ah Laura. I love you.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
The Great and Terrible Xal.
I'm not making money right now.
The main cause of my lack of finacial gain in Xal. Xal is my boss. I work at a grocery store in the seafood department, and Xal is my manager (NOTE: Xal is not his real name. I re-named him to better express his villainous nature. It's close though.). I hate Xal.
When I first began to work in seafood, I though Xal was the greatest boss ever. It was my second job, and before I had worked in a fish and chips place called Fisherman's.
Fisherman's was run by Nick and Christine, an older Greek couple who had two settings. Loud and angry, and actually loud and angry because they weren't angry with you to begin with, just Greek. They inspired me to start writing when I began a book about the whole thing, but I was only getting four hours a week, and as a waitress I was under paid and paid under the table. So I decided to try getting a different job. I went in for an interview that foreshadowed some of the problems I would later have with Xal, but at the time I was stupid and thought foreshadowing only happened in well thought out books.
The first part of the interview was with a very nice HR lady who chatted about things with me and told me that Xal, in all his glory, had asked her to 'screen' me as an employee and if she liked me, to call him. She seemed to like me well enough because about three minutes into our interview she said she was going to find Xal.
Finding him took about half an hour. They paged him six times, called the department, even sent someone on their lunch to go see if he was in the back room of the store. The pages were loud and annoying and I was slowly and surely becoming more and more embarrassed, because he didn't seem to be around and the pages were really loud.
The HR lady (who I haven't seen since, I think Xal ate her), came back after a few minutes and sat across from me in this little room that joined onto the break room. She sighed and said she couldn't find him, then tilted her head to the side as she stared past me and narrowed her lips a bit.
Me: Well, I could always come back...
HR: No, that won't be necessary.
Me: *Slightly panicked* No, I mean it's not problem, I can come back any time.
HR: No, I mean he's right there.
She stood up and left, and I was confused. Until she led in a late-thirties guy with a buzz cut and "Employee since 1990" printed on his name badge. He'd been sitting in the break room the entire time, eating pizza.
(I just want to something that sink in. I was born in 1990. Yeah.)
He ushered the lady out of the room, making a comment on how good she looked (She was probably in her 70's), and sat down in the chair she had previously occupied. He then proceed to introduce himself, take another bite of his pizza, and stare at my resume for a good five minutes.
Xal: ....
Me: ....
When he finally looked up the barrage of questions was unexpected and a little frightening.
Xal: Why are you leaving your current job?
Me: Oh, I'm not getting enough hours-
Xal: -Do you get paid under the table?
Me: Uh, yes. But I get tips-
Xal: So a union is a step up huh? *Laughs*
Me: *Encouraged by laughter* Oh yeah, I'm really-
Xal: What kinds of fish do you know? Just list them.
Me: Um... Talipa, salmon, catfish-
Xal: -Actually, just seafood in general.
Me: Okay.. Salmon, halibut, crab, lobster--
Xal: -You like lobster?
Me: oh yeah, it's great--
Xal: -Keep going.
Me: Uh...Halibut-..I said that already... Um, Arctic char, clams, scallops, oysters, mussels--
Xal: -That's enough.
Me: *Meekly* Okay...
The entire time I talked with Xal, I had the feeling he was either in a hurry to get somewhere else or impatient with my answers. Everything would be inturrupted, and when it wasn't, he would be silent for a long time after I answered and scribble something down on his copy of my resume. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but honestly? It's one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever been through. And it shouldn't be, because what was the worst thing he could have said? "No, you don't get the job, sorry." That's it. But with every question I became more nervous.
Finally he said I could go, and that it was a pleasure meeting me. I left, eyes wide and wondering what had just happened to my brain.
However I wasn't home five minutes before the store's number popped up on my caller ID and I was being told to report back in three days for my orientation and to get my uniform, he had liked me and i was hired.
My mind was blown. And for the first six months I was pumped. He seemed like the best boss ever and I was good at the job. It was easy, and i have some sort of work ethic in me (Strange right?). I was seafood's new golden girl in a department that fired the other two guys hired with me before the three month probation period, one for being a no call no show for his shift, and the other for just being crap.
And this is when i began to hear things from my new coworkers. Dave told me that no one stayed long because Xal fired them for no reason. Colleen mentioned a guy who sat down while working and was informed he had been terminated. Terminated? Did this guy think he was Arnold?
Over a year into the job I began to realise Xal was not the awesome boss I had taken him for.
Xal: Tamaracanyougetthefrozenformeineedittogooutprontothanks
....That's Xal, talking as he rushes from one thing to another while talking to you, seeming to assume you understand him as his voice fades in and out.
Then there's his annoying habit of 'losing' notes I put on the bulletin board for days I need off. I'll re-write them over and over, and they're always gone by the next shift. Before I would think that the note disappearing meant he had gotten it and hence I did not need to work. Nay, fine people. I would still be booked. I eventually decided that I had to give them to the ASM (Assistant store manager), and the bookings on days I needed off stopped. Kinda.
Then the work I was doing apparently took a drastic slide, because people would tell me he had been complaining about things I apparently had not done properly. None of these things were ever said to my face, merely bitched about behind my back. I worked harder, but the bitching continued.
Then things began to get into the relm of harassment.
I am a huge flirt. Guys and girls a like are darlings, radiant sunshine flowers and the object of my unending desire. One day, Xal flat-out asked me if I wanted to do dirty things with a girl in bakery.
I was offended and appalled, but I laughed to save face because that is Xal. He asks these things.
Not long after that I got my first write up, where I burst into tears because I thought i had done a particularly good job that night working, and was confused.
Two days after, someone in the department next to me informed me that Xal, often and without provocation, would tell whoever was working at the time that I was going to get pregnant because I was having unprotected sex. In fact, every time I called in sick he attributed it to morning sickness.
I was shocked. How could Xal, lovable and always with a smile, say something so horrible about me? A better question, why?
But i said nothing to the store, partly because I had problems believing it but mostly because the HMR person who told me was not a great source.
Of course, when someone who was a good source came up to me a few months ago and told me that Xal had been spreading a rumor that The Boyfriend and I were having sex in the store bathroom.
The bastard was telling them all about it. This I did go to the union about, because honestly, who wouldn't?
Of course the union did fuck all. They said I had to prove I hadn't had sex with The Boyfriend, and i had to write a statement saying I hadn't. This amazes me and strikes me as bullshit. I have to prove it? And how the hell am I supposed to do that? You've got the damn security cameras!
In summary, Xal is evil but I still work for him cause I need money, I hate where I work and he's trying to get me fired. Gotta love retail.
The main cause of my lack of finacial gain in Xal. Xal is my boss. I work at a grocery store in the seafood department, and Xal is my manager (NOTE: Xal is not his real name. I re-named him to better express his villainous nature. It's close though.). I hate Xal.
When I first began to work in seafood, I though Xal was the greatest boss ever. It was my second job, and before I had worked in a fish and chips place called Fisherman's.
Fisherman's was run by Nick and Christine, an older Greek couple who had two settings. Loud and angry, and actually loud and angry because they weren't angry with you to begin with, just Greek. They inspired me to start writing when I began a book about the whole thing, but I was only getting four hours a week, and as a waitress I was under paid and paid under the table. So I decided to try getting a different job. I went in for an interview that foreshadowed some of the problems I would later have with Xal, but at the time I was stupid and thought foreshadowing only happened in well thought out books.
The first part of the interview was with a very nice HR lady who chatted about things with me and told me that Xal, in all his glory, had asked her to 'screen' me as an employee and if she liked me, to call him. She seemed to like me well enough because about three minutes into our interview she said she was going to find Xal.
Finding him took about half an hour. They paged him six times, called the department, even sent someone on their lunch to go see if he was in the back room of the store. The pages were loud and annoying and I was slowly and surely becoming more and more embarrassed, because he didn't seem to be around and the pages were really loud.
The HR lady (who I haven't seen since, I think Xal ate her), came back after a few minutes and sat across from me in this little room that joined onto the break room. She sighed and said she couldn't find him, then tilted her head to the side as she stared past me and narrowed her lips a bit.
Me: Well, I could always come back...
HR: No, that won't be necessary.
Me: *Slightly panicked* No, I mean it's not problem, I can come back any time.
HR: No, I mean he's right there.
She stood up and left, and I was confused. Until she led in a late-thirties guy with a buzz cut and "Employee since 1990" printed on his name badge. He'd been sitting in the break room the entire time, eating pizza.
(I just want to something that sink in. I was born in 1990. Yeah.)
He ushered the lady out of the room, making a comment on how good she looked (She was probably in her 70's), and sat down in the chair she had previously occupied. He then proceed to introduce himself, take another bite of his pizza, and stare at my resume for a good five minutes.
Xal: ....
Me: ....
When he finally looked up the barrage of questions was unexpected and a little frightening.
Xal: Why are you leaving your current job?
Me: Oh, I'm not getting enough hours-
Xal: -Do you get paid under the table?
Me: Uh, yes. But I get tips-
Xal: So a union is a step up huh? *Laughs*
Me: *Encouraged by laughter* Oh yeah, I'm really-
Xal: What kinds of fish do you know? Just list them.
Me: Um... Talipa, salmon, catfish-
Xal: -Actually, just seafood in general.
Me: Okay.. Salmon, halibut, crab, lobster--
Xal: -You like lobster?
Me: oh yeah, it's great--
Xal: -Keep going.
Me: Uh...Halibut-..I said that already... Um, Arctic char, clams, scallops, oysters, mussels--
Xal: -That's enough.
Me: *Meekly* Okay...
The entire time I talked with Xal, I had the feeling he was either in a hurry to get somewhere else or impatient with my answers. Everything would be inturrupted, and when it wasn't, he would be silent for a long time after I answered and scribble something down on his copy of my resume. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but honestly? It's one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever been through. And it shouldn't be, because what was the worst thing he could have said? "No, you don't get the job, sorry." That's it. But with every question I became more nervous.
Finally he said I could go, and that it was a pleasure meeting me. I left, eyes wide and wondering what had just happened to my brain.
However I wasn't home five minutes before the store's number popped up on my caller ID and I was being told to report back in three days for my orientation and to get my uniform, he had liked me and i was hired.
My mind was blown. And for the first six months I was pumped. He seemed like the best boss ever and I was good at the job. It was easy, and i have some sort of work ethic in me (Strange right?). I was seafood's new golden girl in a department that fired the other two guys hired with me before the three month probation period, one for being a no call no show for his shift, and the other for just being crap.
And this is when i began to hear things from my new coworkers. Dave told me that no one stayed long because Xal fired them for no reason. Colleen mentioned a guy who sat down while working and was informed he had been terminated. Terminated? Did this guy think he was Arnold?
Over a year into the job I began to realise Xal was not the awesome boss I had taken him for.
Xal: Tamaracanyougetthefrozenformeineedittogooutprontothanks
....That's Xal, talking as he rushes from one thing to another while talking to you, seeming to assume you understand him as his voice fades in and out.
Then there's his annoying habit of 'losing' notes I put on the bulletin board for days I need off. I'll re-write them over and over, and they're always gone by the next shift. Before I would think that the note disappearing meant he had gotten it and hence I did not need to work. Nay, fine people. I would still be booked. I eventually decided that I had to give them to the ASM (Assistant store manager), and the bookings on days I needed off stopped. Kinda.
Then the work I was doing apparently took a drastic slide, because people would tell me he had been complaining about things I apparently had not done properly. None of these things were ever said to my face, merely bitched about behind my back. I worked harder, but the bitching continued.
Then things began to get into the relm of harassment.
I am a huge flirt. Guys and girls a like are darlings, radiant sunshine flowers and the object of my unending desire. One day, Xal flat-out asked me if I wanted to do dirty things with a girl in bakery.
I was offended and appalled, but I laughed to save face because that is Xal. He asks these things.
Not long after that I got my first write up, where I burst into tears because I thought i had done a particularly good job that night working, and was confused.
Two days after, someone in the department next to me informed me that Xal, often and without provocation, would tell whoever was working at the time that I was going to get pregnant because I was having unprotected sex. In fact, every time I called in sick he attributed it to morning sickness.
I was shocked. How could Xal, lovable and always with a smile, say something so horrible about me? A better question, why?
But i said nothing to the store, partly because I had problems believing it but mostly because the HMR person who told me was not a great source.
Of course, when someone who was a good source came up to me a few months ago and told me that Xal had been spreading a rumor that The Boyfriend and I were having sex in the store bathroom.
The bastard was telling them all about it. This I did go to the union about, because honestly, who wouldn't?
Of course the union did fuck all. They said I had to prove I hadn't had sex with The Boyfriend, and i had to write a statement saying I hadn't. This amazes me and strikes me as bullshit. I have to prove it? And how the hell am I supposed to do that? You've got the damn security cameras!
In summary, Xal is evil but I still work for him cause I need money, I hate where I work and he's trying to get me fired. Gotta love retail.
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