Dear Bioware....

Dear Bioware,


I think we need to break up.


I like you enough and all, but it's clear to me that you don't care enough about me as a woman and in general, as a person, to commit to greatness.


We had a good run of it in Dragon Age:Origins. I fell in love with your lovingly crafter characters and unique worlds. I loved the racist and bitchy elves and thier plight with the Werewolves, the slow moving world the dwarves inhabited. I enjoyed the mages turning into scary, grotesque creatures and I learnt to never, EVER touch the small glass vial. I adored you for the way you made Dragon Age:Origins a whole life and a whole world for you to live it in.


But most of all, I loved you for the people. The people who you talked with and annoyed, who you kissed and insulted and laughed with. I loved Alister and his geeky adoreableness, even if it was ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE at some points to bone him. I loved Shale's fear of birds. I loved Zevran. Morrigan was a huge bitch and Lil was an entertaining little flower. They were almost real people, and I remember when Alister and I finally got it on I nearly danced with joy. When he dumped me cause I was an elf I cursed like a sailor, and may have teared up a little.


And then I played the expansion and thought 'They aren't going to make the next game like this, are they?'. I clicked objects to interact with people and that was the only real way to learn about my new companions, companions that I eventaully didn't care about anymore because I knew almost nothing about them. They were no longer the interesting, loveable characters that I knew.


Then The Boyfriend started looking up details about DA2 and began to freak me out. Qunari have horns? Sten was just a genitic fluke? Then why did -EVERY OTHER- Qunari look like him? I took some deep breaths and tried to rationalize retconning an entire race.


Then I discovered that the dialoge system was turning into the MASS EFFECT VERSION.

This? This is -BAD-.

This is GOOD!

WHYYYY?!?! *Cries*

I was so upset, Bioware. I can understand wanting to appeal to a wider demographic, but you already got me playing DA, you didn't have to do this!

DA2 was such a huge letdown, Bioware. I spent 90% of the game in one place, which wasn't changed in any way. Not even a little re-dressing, just the same place with new fights. The charcters were interesting and fun but you barely got a chance to figure that out, because I could only talk to them when it was quest-related. The backstory I did discover made me want to know more, but I had no chances to just chat with them for no reason. Yes, the fighting was nice and much smoother but I don't play for the fighting! I play for how wonderful your people are and how much I love your wonderful places.

I am so sorry bioware, but the lack of naked man chest combined with a dry story and hateful character interaction made this game almost unplayable. :(

So we're done. Unless I see proof that DA3 is going to be better.

Sadly not yours any longer,

Tamara.

Sometimes, things just don't work out.

I'm not going to school anymore. I don't want to go into details, because it makes me depressed and I feel horrible enough about it as it is, but what are you gonna do, huh?

The Boyfriend and I are still togeather and going strong. Almost two years now, pretty damn exciting. I'm really glad that I have him through all of these hard times I'm going through.

My mother has become particularly unbareable lately. If you're wondering why I've got so many spelling mistakes it's because she took my laptop. She said she would give it back to me once I cleaned my room, so I cleaned it. It's vaccumed and dusted and the laundry is done. But when I asked if I could have it back she said she'd 'think about it'. Which means I'm probably not getting it back until I pay my dad back for it. Really sucks too, because if I'm seen using dad's laptop (As I am at the moment), I'll get yelled at and lectured. No one's home at the moment so I'm safe.

Mom yells at me for no other reason then she can, it seems. For almost two years I've been coming home in between eleven at night and three in the morning from The Boyfriend's house, and no one has said anything about it. Last week my mother stayed up past two so she could 'catch' me. I would've tried harder to evade her had I known there was anthing to 'catch' me at.

Mom: Did you just get in?!
Me: Uh...Yeah?
Mom: Do you know what time it is?!
Me: Like, almost two?
Mom: So what, this is a regular thing for you?!?!
Me: .... Um...
Mom: You better get your act in gear young lady! And I don't want you -EVER- coming home at two in the morning again!!!
Me: ...I've been doing this for awhile...I don't understand why it's suddenly an issue..
Mom: BECAUSE BEFORE I WAS SLEEPING WHEN YOU CAME IN BECAUSE I HAD WORK IN THE MORNING.
Me: ....

I didn't talk to her for awhile and it seemed to die off. Lat night I came home at one and she didn't say anything. In fact, I haven't changed a damn thing but she's either asleep when I get home or she's forgotten about it. I'm guessing she forgot. She does that.

Then I asked to sit down and talk to her. I said I was sorry for the way I talk to her sometimes but that they way she treats me isn't in any way nice. She said she knew. I told her that I'd like it if she talked nicer to me and treated me with some respect. She said nothing. I told her that her usual meathod of yelling at me and insulting me ('Selfish bitch' Has become my new nickname.) rarely makes me want to do things for her, and she told me I was rude and embaressing.

Understand that. I asked her nicely to treat me a bit better, and she said I was rude and insulting. I broke down in tears to tell her that I hated myself enough, it would be nice to not hear every word out of her mouth be some sort of jab at my personal hygine or my lack of friends or whatever, and she said she knew but didn't at any point say she was sorry or promise to try and do better. So I've reverted to my old meathod of dealing with her. I'm going to avoid her as much as possible and hope she dies in some quick but fatal car accident.

I know what you're thinking. 'That's HORRIBLE. She has BREAST CANCER.' But it's true. I've met lots of people who think their parents are the best people ever, and that's fine. I don't. I remember the nice things my mother has done when I'm not around her. When I am around her, I remember the time she stuck a fork in my brother's hand because he tried to take a peice of her cake. He was seven. Or the time she screamed at me for four hours striaght on my sixteenth birthday because I 'lost' a pair of two-hundred dollar gold hoop earrings I had just gotten, when they were on her nightstand the entire time. Or the time she said I was shaped like a barrel. I have a list of things I could rattle off that would make you see my mother they way I do. But I don't see a point. Think of me as the horrible ungreatful daughter if you'd like, but just think of it this way. The positive things I tell The Boyfriend when I'm trying to defend my mother's actions to him have gotten so repetitive that he'll look at me and finish the story. That's how few of them there are.

Sad, isn't it?

Well Jezze

The Boyfriend told me I should watch this video by Katey Perry, because apparently the song and video are both ridiculous.

I watched it and couldn't help feeling all squishy inside, epically with what has been going on with me lately. It really touched me...So I'm posting it to make those feelings appear in others.

:D

My little Irish grandmother.

Whenever my mom had a chemo appointment her mother comes to stay with us for a bit.

This wouldn't be an issue, and usually isn't, except my grandmother is seemingly incapable of using out appliances. Basically, mom brings Nana over to do laundry, cook, clean, and so on. All of these things could be done by me, but mom doesn't seem to think I'll step up to the plate and get things done, so Nana it is.

Nana has a bad habit of leaving to stove burners on and then wandering off to do something else, like...Smoke. Or talk to my mom. She didn't know how to turn them on when she first started coming over and then once she did she would just forget to turn them off. Which is, you know, kinda dangerous. I came downstairs once to find a rag on fire and had to throw it in the sink before it burnt the house down.

She knows how to use the laundry machines now but before I was constantly being called downstairs to open and close them, because she's little! My grandma is a tiny woman and the doors stick sometimes. She's found a trick to it or something at this point because I haven't been called down for awhile.

The dogs love her though. Every time she comes in the house they're barking and their entire rear end wiggles because they're so happy to see her. And she gives them treats. They're gonna weight twenty pounds by the time she leaves, and Terra is already fat.

Hee, I love my grandma. She's nice to have around even if I don't understand her sometimes. She's got a thick accent and I'm pretty sure she's had at least one stroke, so when she talks it's sometimes hard to make out the words. When she has had a few to drink (She is Irish) it's almost impossible for me to hold a conversation with her, it's more me laughing nervously so I don't hurt her feelings. A couple of drinks is enough to make her tipsy, she probably weighs ninety pounds.

Ahhh, grandma. I love you :P

*Is Miserable*

I'm sick. It's the unpleasant truth. It's mostly in my throat and head but my stomach has been upset with the world for a few days too. I don't know if it's related to my throat problems or not but I'm willing to wager it is.

The only reason I'm choking down a couple of Advil and sucking on a hall is because I'm pretty sure today is the in-class writing assignment in my design writing class, and the professor said the only way you can miss it is if your doctor writes a note saying you weren't allowed to drag your IV into the class. Keeping that in mind, sick me is going to go in. I won't be happy about it, but I'll go.

Whenever I'm sick I always get that strange sensation that everyone and everything around me exist in a light fog. Like my mom, standing taking the nail polish off her fingernails. There's a strange quality of unreality to her movements.

I'm never sure if this is a high from medicine or my brain seeing things oddly while sick, but it's not a pleasant experience. It's like I'm the only normal one and everyone else is a little off. A little slower then they're supposed to be and a little blurry, like when i have one contact in and one out.

Of course I know it's me who is a little off. But it feels like it's the rest of the world and maybe that's okay when you're sick.

Whootwhoot.

So I took a pretty quick catnap after class today, in between getting picked up by The Boyfriend and arriving at his house. He put on Fallout: New Vegas and played that while I slept--Until four. Holy crap man, I got there around one. a three hour catnap.

I only woke up because the Boyfriend put his freezing video gamer hands on my tummy to wake me up to go to Doug's house. Do you know who Doug is? No? I'll tell you.

Doug is The Boyfriends best friend who I was told about so many times before I actually met him. At the time The Boyfriend hadn't seen Doug for almost a year but still considered him his best friend, and I was pretty much told I wouldn't like Doug but he was a huge nerd and therefore awesome.

Only the second half was true. Doug is funny and mean but great. He's...You know House? The doctor? He's like that but not quite. He loves Soundgarden and Tool and Grunge bands.



This video is so creepy but he just watched it so I wanna see.

Anywho, The Boyfriend bought Doug some rum and the two of them are drinking it while I'm the DD. This is our communal birthday meet-up which has consisted of us listening to grunge music and watching some Futurama while waiting for Pizza, it's pretty fun. I'm not a big drinker anyway so I'm okay with not partaking in the alcohol. Plus I get to watch the two of them wrestle so... Yay :) Epically since Doug is Bi---He used to be gay but then he got a girlfriend who he had a lot of sex with, so now he's apparently bi. Good for him.

Anyway, he's rather fantastic and he demanded I write a blog post about him, and he's much more entertaining when drunk. The Boyfriend and Doug together just make the day that much better.

*Sleepy*

I'm really tired.

I got home and into bed at one in the morning and had problems falling asleep because it was one of those times when your like "Goddamn it brain, go to sleep!" And your brain goes "Haha, NO! *:D*" (Source).

Then I finally fell asleep, but woke up again at four twenty-one in the morning. I didn't understand why but my nose felt funny. Like it was running.

I pressed the palm of my hand against my nose, pulled it back and reveled a dark blemish on my hand. Great. A nosebleed at four in the morning. That is just epic.

So I got up and ran to the bathroom, hand on my nose and a bit of panic in my heart, and stopped the bleeding. However, it felt like it was still bleeding so I stood there for an hour making sure it wasn't. When I went back to bed it was almost five.

What a fantastic way to start my day.

Wow, lots of posting.

I'm very glad to be me.

I'm not the smartest but I'm not stupid either. I have a great family for the most part, even though things aren't going so well with us I cans till sit back and look at the parents I have and the brother that annoys me and think I did pretty well. We have money. We're not rich but we're comfortable and that's all that really matters to me.

If I do well in this course I will come out of it with a good job. I want that in life. I want to be comfortable enough to buy the things I need and maybe go on vacation.

I have a good man in my life, but my life doesn't center around him. He's important and I love him, I see us together for a long time, but I have other things that I enjoy and other people who I care about. I don't see my boyfriend as the only person in my universe, just one of the most important.

I have a great friend who I love and would do anything for, and were she nearer we would be inseparable. She is one of those people who I know would have my back at any cost, and I tell her more things then possibly even Karl. I love her to bits.

I have a lot to be thankful for, I think.

New friendship rules.

I've made a handy guide on how to create more lasting friendships

1-Have good hygiene.
Be clean, friends. People don't like it if you smell.

2-Engage in conversation.
Having a good back-and-forth report with someone gives you chances to express yourself, and is a perfect way to slowly learn about one another. Talking constantly and interrupting the middle of stories to tell someone a different story that has nothing to do with the original story is not, and should be avoided.

3-Be friendly!
Calling people a chicken or pussy in what is meant to be a joking way, even though it really doesn't sound like a joke is a bad way to encourage people to talk with you. Compliments, favors, and inside jokes are the way to go.

4-Don't ask for too much too soon!
Putting faith in someone when they offer to do you a favor is a good way to build trust. However when asking for a favor, one shouldn't overstep the bounds of a friendship. If you don't know someone very well but want to, leaving small children with them or asking them to get things for you when it doesn't truly benefit them in any way is rude.

5-Avoid bragging.
There are three kinds of people that no one likes. A kiss-ass, a poser, and someone who thinks they're awesome in every way.
Every person is unique, and wearing certain clothes or listening to underground music doesn't make you any more or less different then the person sitting next to you. There is a fine line between bragging and being proud of something you've done, and when talking to potential new friends you need to be sure to keep yourself aware of that line.

6-Compliments!
Compliments must be genuine and spontaneous. Giving someone a compliment could be the highlight of their day, and getting one at random is even more exciting! Be sure to compliment them not not demean anyone when making friends.