Sometimes, things just don't work out.

I'm not going to school anymore. I don't want to go into details, because it makes me depressed and I feel horrible enough about it as it is, but what are you gonna do, huh?

The Boyfriend and I are still togeather and going strong. Almost two years now, pretty damn exciting. I'm really glad that I have him through all of these hard times I'm going through.

My mother has become particularly unbareable lately. If you're wondering why I've got so many spelling mistakes it's because she took my laptop. She said she would give it back to me once I cleaned my room, so I cleaned it. It's vaccumed and dusted and the laundry is done. But when I asked if I could have it back she said she'd 'think about it'. Which means I'm probably not getting it back until I pay my dad back for it. Really sucks too, because if I'm seen using dad's laptop (As I am at the moment), I'll get yelled at and lectured. No one's home at the moment so I'm safe.

Mom yells at me for no other reason then she can, it seems. For almost two years I've been coming home in between eleven at night and three in the morning from The Boyfriend's house, and no one has said anything about it. Last week my mother stayed up past two so she could 'catch' me. I would've tried harder to evade her had I known there was anthing to 'catch' me at.

Mom: Did you just get in?!
Me: Uh...Yeah?
Mom: Do you know what time it is?!
Me: Like, almost two?
Mom: So what, this is a regular thing for you?!?!
Me: .... Um...
Mom: You better get your act in gear young lady! And I don't want you -EVER- coming home at two in the morning again!!!
Me: ...I've been doing this for awhile...I don't understand why it's suddenly an issue..
Mom: BECAUSE BEFORE I WAS SLEEPING WHEN YOU CAME IN BECAUSE I HAD WORK IN THE MORNING.
Me: ....

I didn't talk to her for awhile and it seemed to die off. Lat night I came home at one and she didn't say anything. In fact, I haven't changed a damn thing but she's either asleep when I get home or she's forgotten about it. I'm guessing she forgot. She does that.

Then I asked to sit down and talk to her. I said I was sorry for the way I talk to her sometimes but that they way she treats me isn't in any way nice. She said she knew. I told her that I'd like it if she talked nicer to me and treated me with some respect. She said nothing. I told her that her usual meathod of yelling at me and insulting me ('Selfish bitch' Has become my new nickname.) rarely makes me want to do things for her, and she told me I was rude and embaressing.

Understand that. I asked her nicely to treat me a bit better, and she said I was rude and insulting. I broke down in tears to tell her that I hated myself enough, it would be nice to not hear every word out of her mouth be some sort of jab at my personal hygine or my lack of friends or whatever, and she said she knew but didn't at any point say she was sorry or promise to try and do better. So I've reverted to my old meathod of dealing with her. I'm going to avoid her as much as possible and hope she dies in some quick but fatal car accident.

I know what you're thinking. 'That's HORRIBLE. She has BREAST CANCER.' But it's true. I've met lots of people who think their parents are the best people ever, and that's fine. I don't. I remember the nice things my mother has done when I'm not around her. When I am around her, I remember the time she stuck a fork in my brother's hand because he tried to take a peice of her cake. He was seven. Or the time she screamed at me for four hours striaght on my sixteenth birthday because I 'lost' a pair of two-hundred dollar gold hoop earrings I had just gotten, when they were on her nightstand the entire time. Or the time she said I was shaped like a barrel. I have a list of things I could rattle off that would make you see my mother they way I do. But I don't see a point. Think of me as the horrible ungreatful daughter if you'd like, but just think of it this way. The positive things I tell The Boyfriend when I'm trying to defend my mother's actions to him have gotten so repetitive that he'll look at me and finish the story. That's how few of them there are.

Sad, isn't it?

Jezze

Aye aye aye.

So much drama today. Amber's boyfriend is still a dork, I argued with The Boyfriend yesterday because I like to be needy once and awhile but it wasn't happening, because appearntly I don't compete with homework, and Now K's girlfriend has broken up with her and stupid me is on the other side of the country.

Jezze. Relationships fail once and awhile, you know? The Boyfriend's got school tonight and work before that, and I don't want to text him first because honestly, I'm still upset. He did homework for three hours straight and barely talked to me, and when I tried to get attention for the last half an hour before I had to go to bed he shrugged me off. So I went to bed.

I'm not kidding. I got changed, set my alarm, got into bed and shut off the light. Because if he can shrug me off then goddamnit, I can shrug him off. My dramatic 'Fuck you buddy' was marred when my mom made me get up to walk him to the door, but I think the message was pretty clear.

K's girlfriend has been pretty much the only wedge between her and I in the course of our friendship. I've always had a bit of a problem with her, but factors piled upon one another until I went from having a problem to really not liking her. But Because I love K I only brought it up once and awhile, not every time the girlfriend of K did something I disapproved of. Which was fairly often.

K lives in Alberta, far away from where the girlfriend of K lives, which is Indiana. I think? I can't remember, because I only really remember things I like. She lives far, is what I'm getting at.

Then they decided to have an 'Open' long distance relationship. So you know, they can date other people while dating one another. This always boggeled my mind, because I am a spiteful, jealous person and If I ever had an inkling that The Boyfriend was interested in someone else, she and all her friends would be stabbed. HE IS MY THE BOYFRIEND, THANKS.

So I guess yesterday the wonderful and soul-consuming K told the girlfriend of K that no, she's not okay with an open relationship, and was basically told by the now ex-girlfriend of K that she wasn't enough. I'm very pissed off on K's behalf. I am on the verge of calling her. But you know, she works and shit. So Instead I've thrown myself into homework. And it's coming along quite well, actually.

Ceemo--Click to enlarge.

The early bird doesn't always get the worm. Somtimes it ends up late.

I woke up early this morning to print off the first major writing assignment for design writing. It's basically a course teaching you how to write concept statements about your work, and the best way to explain to a client what you were trying to accomplish. Class starts at nine so I got to the school twenty minutes early to be sure printing it off wouldn't be a problem.

It was. The first time I tried it printed, but half of my picture was cut off. I took a picture for you.


It's not readable, but you can clearly see only half of a picture. Not even half.

So I went to the IT guy who did the same thing and once again, half the picture shows but not the rest. I'm irritated. So I gave the paper I had to my professor and she seemed fine with it, which makes me happy. She just told me to send the full thing to her online so she can mark it properly.

But I spent almost an hour trying to print it and getting the IT guy's help. So do the math. I got there twenty minutes early but showed to class forty minutes late. Go me.

It's really overcast and rainy this morning, but i like it. Besides the fact that my right foot is soaking wet because there's a hole in the sole of my runner, I like rain. I don't like getting wet from rain, but rain itself if beautiful and always makes me smile.

But the rain got me thinking about how unhappy a lot of people are on overcast days, and that got me to thinking about the free hugs campaign. I thought about how something so simple and easy could brighten someone day and how I wanted to be a part of that.

Not hugs though. I feel like that could get me in some serious trouble with my parents. No, I want to do something that might not be huge to most people but will give them a glimmer of happy thoughts. And I want to be able to do it with someone, a few friends maybe.

I was sitting at the bus, watching cars whiz past when I came up with an idea. And all because of these.

They're rainbow stickers. Of smiley faces.

The Boyfriend bought them for me way back and I haven't used them all because even just seeing them makes me smile. So then I thought 'You know what would be cool? Stickers for smiles.'

So now I keep thinking of doing something where me and a few other people spend some money and buy some stickers. Then we go somewhere crowded and just hand them out to people with the condition that they smile.

I think it would be a great way to maybe meet some people, and maybe make someone's day. And I think I might try to do it. I doubt The Boyfriend would want to but... I really do.

Also, the CMO mascot is Ceemo. K chose it. :)

Wow, lots of posting.

I'm very glad to be me.

I'm not the smartest but I'm not stupid either. I have a great family for the most part, even though things aren't going so well with us I cans till sit back and look at the parents I have and the brother that annoys me and think I did pretty well. We have money. We're not rich but we're comfortable and that's all that really matters to me.

If I do well in this course I will come out of it with a good job. I want that in life. I want to be comfortable enough to buy the things I need and maybe go on vacation.

I have a good man in my life, but my life doesn't center around him. He's important and I love him, I see us together for a long time, but I have other things that I enjoy and other people who I care about. I don't see my boyfriend as the only person in my universe, just one of the most important.

I have a great friend who I love and would do anything for, and were she nearer we would be inseparable. She is one of those people who I know would have my back at any cost, and I tell her more things then possibly even Karl. I love her to bits.

I have a lot to be thankful for, I think.

WHOO POSTER!

LOOKIT!

It's my type poster. I love it. :)

Blog changes!

I've been fiddling with my layout a bit. I really like the new background. :)

I make a lot of things on photoshop, being graphic design and all, do I really like this a lot. the black and little splashes of color with the white text look really neat. I'm in the process of making a banner and maybe editing some more backgrounds to make them more blog-friendly. I don't like the big line that cuts off one part from the other. Maybe some blending...Hmmm...

Ah, So much fun.

Photo shoot!

I did the first part of my photo shoot with FTCR tonight. I had so much fun! I brought Laura and The Boyfriend and I gotta say, I was surprised how game The Boyfriend was in front of the camera. Sure, he made the moans and complaints that were expected of him but he ultimately did it. Amber's boyfriend wouldn't even try, and I felt bad for her cause it made things a teeny bit weird. We got over it pretty quick and I had a lot of fun. Here's a few of the better shots.
Laura is so pretty! <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmeZ21GSZvGJ27IZm5LY5_wkxwv0o9JqaWTgev4cXpjzrBbTVxq_AqAtw3SClTB4R2QDZIO-hayuBeQEkLnwlSJ7jqgIUcA0JujhoT1LE9QzvHR0p0wtK57P0jHiv7pcxu1TcsojsyZSo/s1600/IMG_5121.JPG">
PUT IT DOWN, LAURA! CHAIRS ARE FOR SITTING, NOT BEATING.Haha, Wow. This is the only one I liked cause you can't see all of my huge arms in it.

I love that picture. :)

This one is white washed, but I loved his 'Thinker' pose so much I stuck it up there.

D'awww. *cuddles*
She is the cutest thing ever.
Aw, Amber. See? I rest my case.

Oh, there's a story behind this picture. I told The Boyfriend to do his creepy stalker face at Laura, and this is what he came up with.

Awesome. Am I right?

I'm doing more on Saturday with Evee, so we'll see how it goes.

Oh man, I'm a loser. *UPDATED*

So I was reading this post while the teacher was doing attendance.

Teacher- George?
George- Here.
Teacher- Amber?
Amber- Here.
Teacher- Tamara?
Me- Spiders. I mean here!

Oh yeah man. I'm awesome.

*edit*

RAWR

It's been a long time since I posted. Well not now, cause i just put something up, but I feel guilty. Every time I do something that isn't posting on here I feel it's a little bit of time wasted. So I'll do a bunch of updates at once! Wheeee!

Work has been hell lately, and the main reason for my lack of posting. I've worked four days in a row, which is crazy fro me, and there's a lot of pressure to preform well. Xal went on vacation for 11 days. This was a stupid thing for him to do, because the lobster tank is being taken out and sent to the company to be fixed, and the seafood manager--Not for the district, or the region, but for the country--Is coming in today. I spent all of last night polishing chrome and cleaning floors. The department looked great when I left, but I'm still paranoid that I didn't do a good enough job and I'm gonna get the girl who opened in trouble.

Everyone's been so stressed at work about this guy coming in that the pressure has trickled down from the store manager to the lowly part-timer (Me). It's ridiculous how much I scrubbed last night. I didn't even get to the cooler cause I started at 3, and it was a little worse because I haven't had a break from work in four days, each shift a closing and each at least six hours long. I haven't been able to hang out with The Boyfriend very long, or Laura at all. It makes me sad.

School isn't helping my stress level either. I'm getting a 90 in design writing, 87 in digital illustration, 73 in art of photography and a 68 in history of media. I'm pretty much failing the three other courses. I've been missing school because of my mom but I feel like every time i say it I'm making excuses. I'm just not handling the course load very well. Of course no one knows this, I don't talk about it to anyone but K. But I feel bad when I do because she's got her own things going on.

Mom...Well. She's lost all her hair now so she's been pretty down but she seems to be getting over it. And she had another Chemo treatment on Monday. She'll be sick today and tomorrow.

I'm not handling things well but I think most people think I am. I just really don't want to talk about it, and every time someone brings it up I do my best to answer their questions and change the subject in the most impolite way possible. If I want to talk about it, I'll bring it up. I don't want to be grilled. And while I understand they're just concerned it doesn't change the fact that I'm not really comfortable talking about it. Except with K. And The Boyfriend, though he doesn't know it. He's pretty much the best boyfriend ever and I'm so lucky to have someone willing to drop everything to be my knight in shining armor, or to deal with the times I just randomly snap at him because I'm stressed and he's there. I love him so much...

Bah, now I sound sappy. And I want cuddles. Pah.

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA BAT-MAAAAAANNNN

*Is in throes of happy glee*

So!

I had to do this assignment where we had to re-create a 2D fictional character in Adobe Illustrator. This is my third time ever using the program, and here's what I decided to do.

*Points to picture* *Nods slowly* Is batman, you guys.

Now I thought i was gonna do a shitty job, but guess what?!

Oh, right. He's missing a mouth. I'N NOT FINISHED YET! ...Jezze.

But hey! I've got some epic batman action going on here!

*Wonders if batman could be animated*

Anyway, I've been working my ass of on this guy for the last couple of weeks and believe me, it's not easy.

In other news, The Boyfriend's birthday was last week. On the 12th, whoo. Twenty-Four now. I've been holding back on the old man jokes, bit it's harddd. *Sad face* Like, really hard. But I do it because he is my love, and I do not wish to hurt his feelings. We're going for his body scan tonight.

Ohhh yeah. The Boyfriend has uber-treatable thyroid cancer, for the one person who's reading this and doesn't know. It's supposedly all gone now, but we're going in for scans and so on... Blegh.

Mom's chemo started today too...Yeah, I just got great luck. If cancer were a lottery, I would have money. Mom has not-so-uber-treatable breast cancer. She had a...Mammogram...or... The operation that starts with Mamm that means boobs get cut off.