Sunday, October 31, 2010

Dying holiday, dying dream.

My dream, since I was little, was to have the best house on the block for Halloween.


I would have the fake cemetery, the creepy, billowing fabric and haunting music. My front yard would be lit in a blood-red glow while creepy, haunting pumpkins flickered with evil intent. A skeleton would laugh from my front door as the braver children led their timid friends towards the sounds of werewolves, screaming witches and snarling dogs. I would be sitting in the entryway, just out of sight from the little ones because I’ve always thought ringing the doorbell was one of the best parts. I’d be dressed in some outlandish costume, Harley Quinn or maybe some kind of zombie witch, and hand them their candy with a glare or maybe some sort of peppy but demented comeback (It’s Harley Quinn, guys.)


Then, as they made their way down the steps, my significant other (Who had been dressed as a zombie warlock or perhaps the joker) would lunge at the nearest child with a haunting laugh or maybe even a simple boo. My house would be the ultimate experience. Tricks and treats galore.


Every time someone hopped out and scared the living crap out of me on Halloween, I thought of a time when I would be that person. I would be the one who everyone talked about, the one for one night who would steal the show. Younger kids would be terrified to approach my door; older kids would point out all the important but small details to their parents. I would be the best.


I’ve held onto this dream for my whole life, since those mystical nights when I would bounce around impatiently with my little brother, waiting for it to be dark so we could go out. Every year the night would become unearthly, radiant and alive. No one was who they appeared but that was okay, because by god- It was Halloween.


I had to work tonight, so I put on most of my costume and worked until 8. In the Halloweens of my youth this was when the night was in full swing, the streets packed with ghosts and ghouls and all manner of creepy creatures. And as my boyfriend (Who one day might be the Joker to my Harley) drove me home I began to fret. Where were all the kids? The little ones who could barely get up the steps and the older toddlers with their little Halloween pumpkin buckets. I didn’t understand.


I told The Boyfriend this image I had in my head of my perfect Halloween haunt once. It was a while ago, but I still remember what he said. “Halloween is a dying holiday. You could put a rubber bat out on the front of your house and have the coolest place on the street.”


When he said it I not only refused to believe him, but got downright mad. I told him he was dumb for thinking that, because holidays don’t just die.


But as I took in the few straggling kids as they walked from house to house I became depressed. A vampire trudged with his mother along one otherwise deserted street. Few houses were lit, few creatures creeping sneakily along the sidewalks with tired parents in tow. There are so few people out there these days, and I don’t understand why.


To all you parents out there who may have stayed with me long enough to get here, please listen. BRING YOUR KIDS OUT ON HALLOWEEN. Dress them up, give then a pillowcase and haul them from place to place. Ignore the cries of ‘my feet are tired’ and ‘but I don’t want to carry the bucket!’. The few fond memories I have of my old house are the ones of shivering under my robot costume with silver face paint slathered all over my forehead, getting home and dumping all the candy on the floor to sort through it and give my dad the things I didn’t like, or swap with my little brother.


And who knows. One day you might show up at a house with billowing fabric and blood-red lights, and your child will receive some tasty treat from a woman dressed as Harley Quinn.

Happy Halloween!

Imma be a goth chick. I'm excited.

I mean...Uh... Life is meaningless. The darkness becomes me.

I'm going to be one of those crazy goths. Not one of the normal ones.

:D

Saturday, October 30, 2010

ALERT! ALERT! SITUATION CRITICAL!



*Flails*

Eekkkkk.

Badbadbadbad VERY BAD.

So, Uh... Okay. I was online today, minding my own business and reading some blog posts, when I got an email from Facebook. I'm never really on Facebook, but I get lots of emails from people poking and prodding me and whatnot, so I fuigred what the hell, and clicked on it. I see this:

DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS?! DO YOU?!

Of course you don't, I haven't told you and I made the name all blurry.

IT'S THE BOYFRIEND'S GRANDMOTHER, YOU GUYS!

*Panic*

She is one of the nicest old ladies ever, right? Like, adorable and sweet and all that great crap, which is why I do not want her reading my Facebook! Because on the one hand, if I post something like... I dunno...

Me: Tamara-Wow gys i aM SoooOooo wated righ now!

I don't want it to tun into this.

Me: Tamara-Wow gys i aM SoooOooo wated righ now!
The Boyfriend's grandma: Bestgranever1: Interesting, what you choose to do on a Tuesday morning.*

I'm pretty sure I would not only die of shame, but I'd end up being dumped by The Boyfriend. And I don't want that to happen!

On the other hand, if I quietly ignore her as the site suggests she's going to KNOW. And then she'll be suspicious that I'm saying things that she wouldn't want to know and that's why I'm not adding her. This is exactly correct but I don't want her to know but ultimately, she'll know either way.... I'm rambling. It's because of the panic.

The way I see it there are two was this can go down.

1) I can add her and let her see exactly how horrible I am (God knows his mom already does, I was bullied into adding her), and hope that she either won't pay much attention or won't be able to see cause she left her glasses somewhere. This way, I risk her becoming overprotective and therefore, perhaps have tension with The Boyfriend's Family rise.
2) I can ignore her, wich will have one of two consequences.
2a) She will forget about it and move on.
2b) She'll start imagining the horrible things I might be doing that I don't want her to know about, picturing me torturing kittens, binge drinking and pushing her grandson down flights of stairs while telling him it's his fault. None of these things happen, but she is a grandma, it's their job to freak out over little stuff.

None of these options appeal to me. I don't know what to do, and the beautiful and all-knowing K is at some sort of shindig in which she will not answer my textually rendered pleas for help. The Boyfriend..Well he went to a wedding with the bio-dad, and was supposedly home an hour ago, but he's not answering texts either and it's worrysome for me. I'm hoping he just forgot his phone.

*Sigh* BAH.

*(NOTE: I don't do this. This is an exaggeration of what may occur. The last time I got drunk was my 19th birthday, and if you need to know how long ago that was I turn twenty on the second of November. That's right bitches.)

The interwebz

lot of the Internet is bull.

It’s a sad but true fact. Most of the time I skip over comment sections completely because I’d honestly rather not deal with assholes. I know enough of them in real life to want to volunteer myself as live entertainment. Why on earth would I want to spread my opinion if I know I’m going to get at least three people telling me I’m stupid and/or a fag? I wouldn’t! So why would I comment on anything?

I’ve only left one Internet comment on anything, and that was because of this stupid guy who kept saying he didn’t mean to offend anyone, but was doing a very good job of just that.

Another annoying thing about flame wars is when I agree with someone who is defending my position, but their spelling and grammar is cringe-worthy. I mean, most of my mistakes are typos, and I know I’m bad at spelling. But I run all my posts through spell check and grammar check before I post and every time I see a typo, it’s… ‘on’ instead of ‘one’ or something dumb that spell check might not catch. And I always fix it later.

But during a flame war, at least try to sound educated. I’m asking this to all you people out there (who are probably educated if you’re reading a blog to begin with), Please, PLEASE try to use proper spelling when defending a position. It really takes away from your agreement when you phrase it as “Lol dud3 I luv keesha shes soooooo funny and soooo talented and u can just fuk off!”

Even if the person you’re flaming is talking like that, it makes you look better to them if you’re spelling correctly. Also being polite helps, but really, it’s the Internet. How likely is that? Not very, if we’re honest. But trying is nice, isn’t it?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Xal returns.

So now I'm being informed that I have to be available on Fridays.

I have Fridays off because of school and my Show, Supernatural. I've had it booked off for the past two months, because I can't work on Fridays.

However Xal, who hasn't had a problem with this for the past two months, is now calling the union and making sure that I have to be available on Friday so he can try to fire me.

Apparently my schedule has to be 'You are available Friday, Saturday and Sunday as well as one day throughout the week'. Never mind that I'm available every other day besides Friday, and that it's been two months that I've had it booked off and it's only now that this has become a problem. He never booked me on Fridays before anyway, so I didn't think this would be an issue.

However now it has, and this is a huge problem. School and Show are more important to me then Xal and the fucking seafood department, but it's so hard to find a job right now that I don't know what to do. Do I sacrifice my grades and the one thing I go out of my way to do, or do I submit to Xal.

I've told Xal that Show is actually night school, to try and keep him from going this far, but apparently it doesn't matter. Now that I think about it, telling him that wouldn't have helped because he's a douche and wants me to lose my job, so I don't know why I even bothered with the lie. I could have told him it was for my AA meetings and he still would've been a little bitch about it.

Anyway, I think I'm going to start looking for a new job. My biggest problem with it is I need to transfer my resume over to my laptop from the old home computer, which barely works anymore and is downright stupid. It takes ages to do anything on it and never seems to do exactly what you want it to. I'm really not looking forwards to using it.

Monday, October 25, 2010

If I owned the internet..

For one thing, text would be in a different color when you were being sarcastic. Some of the biggest fights I've had with my friends that start online were meant to be sarcastic, but were taken as serious insults. And then even when I said something like 'No, I didn't mean it, it was a joke.' They'd still be mad cause it was either a Freudian slip or I was trying to make them think I didn't mean it.

On the other hand, there would be some sort of way to highlight when you were being completely serious, so people wouldn't laugh off whatever you were saying. Example:

Me: I'm really depressed. My dog has tongue cancer.
Random Person: O, lol T, U r so funy!
Me: -_-'

See? That's not meant to be funny.

Another thing I would do is get rid of chatroulette. Cause you know what? Ew.

There would also be some sort of.... I don't know, internet safety option that would FORCE people to use WORDS and not just the numerical or alphabetical equivlent. No more of this '2' for 'to' or 'U' as 'You' bullshit. The only time I consider that acceptable is when you're texting me, and even then I cringe. When you have a full keyboard in front of you there is no reason to use stupid letter shortcuts.

Overly negative things, like crime scene photos and stuff, would have some sort of password on them or something. I don't think looking at those is healthy for anyone, and with all the emo kids around like...Imagining themselves being the dead person...That shit's really not good for them. (On a related note, I dare you to type in 'Degloving' into Google images. My paramedic friend said it's the grossest thing he's ever seen. He's a paramedic, guys.)

(Didya look yet? Gross, right?)

World of Warcraft would be free. Because paying for it every two months sucks.

I asked Laura what she would do if she owned the internet, her answer?
'I'd use the internet to make my own religion.'

Ah Laura. I love you.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Great and Terrible Xal.

I'm not making money right now.

The main cause of my lack of finacial gain in Xal. Xal is my boss. I work at a grocery store in the seafood department, and Xal is my manager (NOTE: Xal is not his real name. I re-named him to better express his villainous nature. It's close though.). I hate Xal.

When I first began to work in seafood, I though Xal was the greatest boss ever. It was my second job, and before I had worked in a fish and chips place called Fisherman's.

Fisherman's was run by Nick and Christine, an older Greek couple who had two settings. Loud and angry, and actually loud and angry because they weren't angry with you to begin with, just Greek. They inspired me to start writing when I began a book about the whole thing, but I was only getting four hours a week, and as a waitress I was under paid and paid under the table. So I decided to try getting a different job. I went in for an interview that foreshadowed some of the problems I would later have with Xal, but at the time I was stupid and thought foreshadowing only happened in well thought out books.

The first part of the interview was with a very nice HR lady who chatted about things with me and told me that Xal, in all his glory, had asked her to 'screen' me as an employee and if she liked me, to call him. She seemed to like me well enough because about three minutes into our interview she said she was going to find Xal.

Finding him took about half an hour. They paged him six times, called the department, even sent someone on their lunch to go see if he was in the back room of the store. The pages were loud and annoying and I was slowly and surely becoming more and more embarrassed, because he didn't seem to be around and the pages were really loud.

The HR lady (who I haven't seen since, I think Xal ate her), came back after a few minutes and sat across from me in this little room that joined onto the break room. She sighed and said she couldn't find him, then tilted her head to the side as she stared past me and narrowed her lips a bit.

Me: Well, I could always come back...
HR: No, that won't be necessary.
Me: *Slightly panicked* No, I mean it's not problem, I can come back any time.
HR: No, I mean he's right there.

She stood up and left, and I was confused. Until she led in a late-thirties guy with a buzz cut and "Employee since 1990" printed on his name badge. He'd been sitting in the break room the entire time, eating pizza.

(I just want to something that sink in. I was born in 1990. Yeah.)

He ushered the lady out of the room, making a comment on how good she looked (She was probably in her 70's), and sat down in the chair she had previously occupied. He then proceed to introduce himself, take another bite of his pizza, and stare at my resume for a good five minutes.

Xal: ....
Me: ....

When he finally looked up the barrage of questions was unexpected and a little frightening.

Xal: Why are you leaving your current job?
Me: Oh, I'm not getting enough hours-
Xal: -Do you get paid under the table?
Me: Uh, yes. But I get tips-
Xal: So a union is a step up huh? *Laughs*
Me: *Encouraged by laughter* Oh yeah, I'm really-
Xal: What kinds of fish do you know? Just list them.
Me: Um... Talipa, salmon, catfish-
Xal: -Actually, just seafood in general.
Me: Okay.. Salmon, halibut, crab, lobster--
Xal: -You like lobster?
Me: oh yeah, it's great--
Xal: -Keep going.
Me: Uh...Halibut-..I said that already... Um, Arctic char, clams, scallops, oysters, mussels--
Xal: -That's enough.
Me: *Meekly* Okay...

The entire time I talked with Xal, I had the feeling he was either in a hurry to get somewhere else or impatient with my answers. Everything would be inturrupted, and when it wasn't, he would be silent for a long time after I answered and scribble something down on his copy of my resume. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but honestly? It's one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever been through. And it shouldn't be, because what was the worst thing he could have said? "No, you don't get the job, sorry." That's it. But with every question I became more nervous.

Finally he said I could go, and that it was a pleasure meeting me. I left, eyes wide and wondering what had just happened to my brain.

However I wasn't home five minutes before the store's number popped up on my caller ID and I was being told to report back in three days for my orientation and to get my uniform, he had liked me and i was hired.

My mind was blown. And for the first six months I was pumped. He seemed like the best boss ever and I was good at the job. It was easy, and i have some sort of work ethic in me (Strange right?). I was seafood's new golden girl in a department that fired the other two guys hired with me before the three month probation period, one for being a no call no show for his shift, and the other for just being crap.

And this is when i began to hear things from my new coworkers. Dave told me that no one stayed long because Xal fired them for no reason. Colleen mentioned a guy who sat down while working and was informed he had been terminated. Terminated? Did this guy think he was Arnold?

Over a year into the job I began to realise Xal was not the awesome boss I had taken him for.

Xal: Tamaracanyougetthefrozenformeineedittogooutprontothanks

....That's Xal, talking as he rushes from one thing to another while talking to you, seeming to assume you understand him as his voice fades in and out.

Then there's his annoying habit of 'losing' notes I put on the bulletin board for days I need off. I'll re-write them over and over, and they're always gone by the next shift. Before I would think that the note disappearing meant he had gotten it and hence I did not need to work. Nay, fine people. I would still be booked. I eventually decided that I had to give them to the ASM (Assistant store manager), and the bookings on days I needed off stopped. Kinda.

Then the work I was doing apparently took a drastic slide, because people would tell me he had been complaining about things I apparently had not done properly. None of these things were ever said to my face, merely bitched about behind my back. I worked harder, but the bitching continued.

Then things began to get into the relm of harassment.

I am a huge flirt. Guys and girls a like are darlings, radiant sunshine flowers and the object of my unending desire. One day, Xal flat-out asked me if I wanted to do dirty things with a girl in bakery.

I was offended and appalled, but I laughed to save face because that is Xal. He asks these things.

Not long after that I got my first write up, where I burst into tears because I thought i had done a particularly good job that night working, and was confused.

Two days after, someone in the department next to me informed me that Xal, often and without provocation, would tell whoever was working at the time that I was going to get pregnant because I was having unprotected sex. In fact, every time I called in sick he attributed it to morning sickness.

I was shocked. How could Xal, lovable and always with a smile, say something so horrible about me? A better question, why?

But i said nothing to the store, partly because I had problems believing it but mostly because the HMR person who told me was not a great source.

Of course, when someone who was a good source came up to me a few months ago and told me that Xal had been spreading a rumor that The Boyfriend and I were having sex in the store bathroom.

The bastard was telling them all about it. This I did go to the union about, because honestly, who wouldn't?

Of course the union did fuck all. They said I had to prove I hadn't had sex with The Boyfriend, and i had to write a statement saying I hadn't. This amazes me and strikes me as bullshit. I have to prove it? And how the hell am I supposed to do that? You've got the damn security cameras!

In summary, Xal is evil but I still work for him cause I need money, I hate where I work and he's trying to get me fired. Gotta love retail.